Home Buying Solutions

Can you think of How many ways you can cook an egg? I will have to admit that eggs benedict is my favorite and please file it in your memory bank. That said, there are also many ways in which you can purchase a home in today's market, and I hope to share some strategies with you in this blog.

In this week's episodes, I visited with the founder of Real Home Solutions and a well-known National Mortgage Banker of which both provided great insights for my audience in how to buy your first home or investment property.

Many folks have the misconception that there is only one traditional way of going about in purchasing, but that could not be further than the truth, it is called being creative in how to cook homeownership to meet your goal.

I know, rising house prices  makes it tough and it requires you to be smarter about what kind of a home, its location, and when to pull the trigger on your purchase. My empirical experience has revealed to me that buyers are looking for the perfect house, Which I do not minimize, but I think it is better to find the right house and then make it perfect to your liking instead. I will tell you, you will have less competition and will put you in a better position to negotiate the price. How about looking for the smallest house on the block and adding an additional room after the fact? Or find a one-bedroomed house and afterwards add a second floor with two bedrooms and a bathroom?

You do not have to go through this adventure by yourself, but being creative and resourceful can be done if you surround yourself with the right people, such as a well-seasoned real estate agent, mortgage banker, or an experienced investor as a mentor . I am here to tell you that there is no substitution for experience, and think about it, these professionals will be on your side of the negotiating table.

So, where do I begin? You begin with the Mortgage Banker who has developed a professional business reputation noted in real estate magazines, or other avenues of the media. This Mortgage Banker will inform you of loan products available to you based on your current credit scores and annual income, and do not forget, there are a variety of ways to cook your eggs.

Another myth that tends to prevail is you need 20% for a down payment, this is ludicrous! The fact is, you can get into your home with as little as 3% or even nothing down, and this is where the Mortgage banker can help.

Rest assured, I am not denigrating the 20% down payment, since it does give you financial strength that may get the seller motivated and may lean toward accepting your offer when there are multiple offers on the table.

Here are some tips on how to boost your purchasing power by saving for the 20% down.

If possible, I would recommend cutting back on dining out, cancelling unnecessary subscriptions such as cable TV which is going by way of the dinosaur since internet streaming is capturing the market exponentially. Shop for reasonable vehicle insurance coverage without compromising what you already have, and do your grocery shopping at food outlets, and you may be astounded how much you can save over a period of a year.

Are you kidding? No, I am not! Yes, it may feel like a huge sacrifice in the interim, but inch by inch is a sinch in meeting your goal of homeownership.

Once you have a plan of action with your Mortgage Banker, it is time to look for a real estate agent who also has made a name for himself in the industry. By the way, California allows for a real estate agent to represent both seller and buyer, and in my personal view it is almost criminal. Have you ever heard of the same attorney representing the plaintive and the defendant in a court room? Make certain your agent is representing you exclusively and has your best interest at heart. Here is a little secret, when you make your offer, tag along with your agent when he presents your offer to the listing agent, this puts a face on your offer thus humanizing it and may give you the edge or advantage of acceptance.

There are countless down payment assistance  programs available locally and nationally providing grants that you may qualify for as a home buyer. Here are some links that just might fit the bill, just google the following phrases:

A. National Homebuyers Fund

B. Guide to DPA in all 50 states

C. Housing finance agencies in all 50 states

D. HUD local home buying programs

E. Downpaymentresource.com

F. HUD homeownership assistance

G. Chenoa Fund

H. National Homebuyers Fund

And did you know that lenders in many cases will allow for dad or another relative to gift you the down payment? Make certain to be on your dad's good side.

All things said, the following is my favorite strategy to acquire a home or investment property and that is by utilizing a Lease with an Option to Buy of which my guest referred to as Rent to Own (RTO). Walking in, the expenditure is nominal in this kind of an arrangement, but you need to solidify the purchase price, length of the lease, outlining the repairs to be performed by you and how much of the monthly rent will be attributed toward the down payment from the very outset. From the lenders standpoint, keep in mind that not all of your rent can be allocated toward the down payment, but only what is above and beyond the current average rent for the area and for the size of the home.

If you locate property needing repairs, many times the seller will work with you if you suggest a Lease with an Option to Buy since the owner cannot afford to do it himself for whatever reason, it is just a matter of you asking for this arrangement. It is a win-win for all parties, because if you do not exercise your option to buy by the end of the lease, the owner will be left with a completed renovated property.

Here is a caveat, however, make sure you record the lease agreement in the hall of records making the agreement public, so that the owner will not sell the property from under you as he observes the great home improvements you are making. Trust me on that one, fortunately this never happened to me, but it does not mean someone did not try, greed is a powerful thing, that is the world we live in.

This much is certain at one time, that all roads led to Rome, or should I say contextually, all roads lead to (home)? If you find yourself at a crossroad, or at a point of making a decision and need a little more direction to make inroads toward homeownership with free advisement and in confidence, do not hesitate to drop me an email, a call, and smoke signals are also acceptable.

Patient Empowerment

I wonder how many of us have gone to our primary Doctor and left rattled without asking the question we intended to discuss, it was all a blur. Perhaps we forget by distraction, shyness, or just afraid to take too much of the doctor's time.

In one of this week's episodes, a lovely lady who happens to also be an Internal Medicine Physician shared a wonderful enrichment of insights in how to communicate with our doctor effectively. She authored the book Patient Empowerment: Not Just a Book, It's an Adventure, and incidentally, if you have Kindle Unlimited, you can read this one-of-a-kind book for free.

I asked her how do you prepare yourself for your doctor's visit and I will share with you her answer and much more.

To begin with, she said to set a written Agenda before your appointment. Most doctors’ visits last only an average of 15 minutes, so it is essential to first and foremost to share your concerns by having a written list of questions that you want to prioritize. Of course, we are not the only patient, therefore, doctors have a time restraint, however, with your written agenda, this will be time well spent, so it is not the length of time but the quality. Your outline doesn’t need to be complicated, it is a matter of focusing on your medical concerns, your fears, or conjectures.

From a holistic standpoint, it is imperative to share with your doctor what may be contributing to your concerns by sharing information about  your lifestyle, social responsibilities and relationships at home and not to mention at our place of employment, thus, providing the doctor the complete picture of your well-being. Do not be afraid to share these things because they may be relevant to your condition.

Having an outline logging any

pain, the length of the pain, or a physiological feeling, even if it is  embarrassing. Remember, your physician's obligation is to assist you to be healthy, and he or she is mandated to safeguard medical confidentiality.

Medical visits can be formidable and intimidating, and for the most part,  even the most well-meaning physician can introduce too much information too fast and in complex medical terms. So, it is perfectly appropriate to ask questions for clarification. And you may repeat what your doctor says in your own words to crystallize the information in your own mind.

Speaking of formidability and intimidation, she proceeded to talk about the white coat syndrome which can have a reaction on the blood pressure. This resonated with me when at my doctor's visit, he recommended blood pressure medication. I quickly responded, "I would prefer to be put on a monitor for at least 24 hours for verification." For the following three weeks I made a log of my systolic and diastolic pressure, and lo and behold, it was normal, thus explaining the white coat syndrome, this syndrome does exist psychologically, so try to control your anxiety.

This is as it should be, a Collaborative relationship to arrive at the optimal health care, work together, it is a partnership or a marriage.

If your doctor gives a recommendation as a modality or treatment, express your concerns about potential side effects, risks, or questions about other alternative treatment, and to reiterate, we are talking about patient empowerment.

One of my other questions about the medical industry was about the current trend for Physician Assistants (PA). In fact, since I changed my primary doctor, I have only visited with a PA and I am yest to communicate with my primary doctor. She admitted that this is the trend today since there is a deficiency of medical doctors, however, she reassured me that the PA are very competent and if she were to find herself in the hospital she would not have any  qualms or apprehensions about having a PA for her health care. My inclination is to trust what she conveyed because I can tell you my PA was very professional, cordial, energetic and affable. And so much so, I turned to the office nurse and mentioned that at the end of the day they have to probably peel him off the ceiling.

A great doctor or PA is trained in mindfulness, for instance, it reflects itself when they take time to focus on the new patient in front of them, and then you as a patient should do likewise. Right from the outset, once he walked in, he could not wait to meet someone with an Italian name like mine of which I will not mention, however, we immediately clicked, it was a great interaction.

I also asked my guest about her thoughts about telemedicine, and she responded positively so long it is a benign visit where the doctor does not have to touch for a diagnosis, but to discuss lab results of which I have done in the past.

The purpose of this blog is to combine your knowledge with your health care provider, for the doctor knows medical care, but you know your own personal family care.

My guest is also a strong advocate of every patient having their own copies of their ongoing medical care, treatments, medications being administered and for how long. This will minimize the unnerving experience if we find ourselves in an emergency room or abroad. Speaking of which, she also discussed how to stay safe if admitted for hospitalization in terms of protecting our health from staph infections. To encapsulate what she said, keep your hands off the areas where the intravenous is being administered because there are all kinds of bacteria on your hands and everywhere else, and it is what it is. And I can attest to this fact when I think of two very close friends losing their lives because of the foregoing.

As a finale let me share a triviality. We understand that (Rx) represents prescription medication, but did you know where the symbol comes from? The subject is debatable. Some suggest it is an abbreviation for (recipere), a Latin term which translates (recipe). So, when your doctor writes a prescription beginning with " Rx ", he or she is finalizing the medicinal recommendation.  The use of this symbol is historical, originating in mediaeval times, when physicians were stuck on the notion that the planets such as Jupiter was the strongest influence of Health, especially, if you were to pray.  Come to think of it, I have heard some respond when asked how they are doing with the answer, "pills and prayers."

All I can say about that, do what you can to minimize pills and make sure your prayers are well directed to the one who actually hears them.

Living Green?

Do you remember, when green was just that, a color? But now it is associated with improving our indoor and outdoor environment for a healthier lifestyle.

In one of this week's episodes, a world-famous expert and founder of The Green Design Center expounded on the importance of being aware of green building products used in our home, otherwise, we expose ourselves to toxic or harmful chemicals.

In this blog, I hope to share what we can do to mitigate the exposure of deleterious products and how to save financially, and of course, I will share my personal perspective or humble opinion of whatever it is worth.

The Green lifestyle means the embracing of an ecological friendly way of living that centers on living sustainably and with a sense of responsibility by utilizing natural resources. This include Recycling, minimizing waste, and employing efficient energy saving practices.  Many will argue that it is a huge inconvenience, but this lifestyle of living green does not require a total revamping of our lives. Instead, going green encompasses small but meaningful actionable steps to safeguard our health and our natural environment of which we were entrusted. However, like many other things, there is a balance we need to strike, otherwise, it gets to a point where it becomes unreasonable, inane and senseless.

For example, the initial expense needs to be considered and weighed carefully in terms  of your  personal situation. The problem is that the savings that come from going green are often much less than we expected because it takes time to recoup the initial expense quick enough to warrant the cost.

Let us say your situation is living for five or six years in your home for whatever reason, therefore, how long will it take to recapture your initial investment? If you were going to install a solar system, and considering all the variables that come into play, the return on investment is an average of eight years. In your view, does it make sense economically?

Another scenario of which is more my bailiwick, field of knowledge, the real estate industry. Let us say you purchased a home and intend to sell it in ten years, would it make sense to acquire a higher fixed interest rate loan where a lower adjustable rate is available as a fixed rate for the first ten years? It is a matter of being practical and weighing all your options.

Not too long an acquaintance was telling me he purchased an electric vehicle and is paying $800.00 per month and feels good about doing his part in reducing the pollution produced by not using petroleum. This is fine, however from an economic perspective, do you have a current vehicle payment? And would you be  hard pressed to spend close to $800.00 on gas per month? By the way, he also informed me that when he takes his electric car to the shop, it costs him almost a thousand every time. What I am saying is not to denounce anyone, but the purpose of going green is to improve the environment and to save money, in some cases it falls short of doing both.

Yet, there are straight forward ways we can save such as replacing appliances to save from 10-50% on your utility bill, like ovens, stovetops, and refrigerators with the label ENERGY STAR is one way to go green without impacting your lifestyle. Recently, we purchased an energy-efficient washing machine and ENERGY STAR dryer combination to cut down on water usage and electricity, but that was not the sole purpose, the previous washer and dryer were looking worse for wear.

In the past, I have been asked what I thought about tankless water heaters and my response to that question is mixed because in one hand it has a high rating in energy efficiency, and my research revealed that Americans waste 9,400 gallons of water annually, what a waste! However, here I go again, there is a disadvantage in having a tankless water heater. How so? When your water source or utility company for some reason goes down, what do you do for much needed hydration? If you get rid of your 50-100 water gallon source, you too would be left looking worse for wear.

Again, going green is not just about improving the environment, but it also includes being practical, and includes your finances where it makes sense.

Speaking of conserving precious water, we can stop   pre-rinsing, and that is right,  hand -washing your dinner plates and forget the automatic heating dry cycle on your dishwasher. Did you know you can save about 11% on your electric bill by just cleaning your refrigerator coils once a month? and Did you know you can save $10-20 each month simply by forgetting the automatic ice maker and starting using ice trays instead?

These simple tactics prevent the fridge from working so hard as well as you to meet your monthly obligations.

For those that spend time in the kitchen, stop preheating your stove too prematurely,  and make sure to keep the oven door shut while cooking my dinner, otherwise, you will lose Up to 25 degrees of heat. I hope you got my intimation when I said my dinner.

Here are some additional ideas to cut back on this life-giving element, water. We can wear our clothing such as pants, shirts and so forth a bit longer, providing they are still presentable, and wait until you have a full load of laundry to wash.   We also use cold water, and since washers use 75-90% of their energy to heat water, so, if you can get away with it, use the coldest cycle as an alternative.

Another eco-friendly laundry idea is to air dry your clothing on clotheslines or anything other than your front porch.

The foregoing are just a few ideas to go green and save on your hard-earned money, and we have not touched on toxic chemicals we have in our home. Some individuals are very sensitive to synthetic chemicals, therefore before your next spring cleaning, give thought to changing to cleaning products that are eco-friendly, or better yet, use alternative  homemade cleaning solutions.

Studies have shown artificial cleaners can be toxic to our health and to our natural environment. Even disposing of these products can potentially cause water and air contamination. So, using green cleaning products mitigates substance related health risks, it improves our air quality which is one of my pet peeves when dining out and all of a sudden a strong wave of cleaning chemicals hits your face.

At this point as I excuse myself, allow me to say “do what you can to stay healthy and be conscious of the natural environment.”Do you remember, when green was just that, a color? But now it is associated with improving our indoor and outdoor environment for a healthier lifestyle.

In one of this week's episodes, a world-famous expert and founder of The Green Design Center expounded on the importance of being aware of green building products used in our home, otherwise, we expose ourselves to toxic or harmful chemicals.

In this blog, I hope to share what we can do to mitigate the exposure of deleterious products and how to save financially, and of course, I will share my personal perspective or humble opinion of whatever it is worth.

The Green lifestyle means the embracing of an ecological friendly way of living that centers on living sustainably and with a sense of responsibility by utilizing natural resources. This include Recycling, minimizing waste, and employing efficient energy saving practices.  Many will argue that it is a huge inconvenience, but this lifestyle of living green does not require a total revamping of our lives. Instead, going green encompasses small but meaningful actionable steps to safeguard our health and our natural environment of which we were entrusted. However, like many other things, there is a balance we need to strike, otherwise, it gets to a point where it becomes unreasonable, inane and senseless.

For example, the initial expense needs to be considered and weighed carefully in terms  of your  personal situation. The problem is that the savings that come from going green are often much less than we expected because it takes time to recoup the initial expense quick enough to warrant the cost.

Let us say your situation is living for five or six years in your home for whatever reason, therefore, how long will it take to recapture your initial investment? If you were going to install a solar system, and considering all the variables that come into play, the return on investment is an average of eight years. In your view, does it make sense economically?

Another scenario of which is more my bailiwick, field of knowledge, the real estate industry. Let us say you purchased a home and intend to sell it in ten years, would it make sense to acquire a higher fixed interest rate loan where a lower adjustable rate is available as a fixed rate for the first ten years? It is a matter of being practical and weighing all your options.

Not too long an acquaintance was telling me he purchased an electric vehicle and is paying $800.00 per month and feels good about doing his part in reducing the pollution produced by not using petroleum. This is fine, however from an economic perspective, do you have a current vehicle payment? And would you be  hard pressed to spend close to $800.00 on gas per month? By the way, he also informed me that when he takes his electric car to the shop, it costs him almost a thousand every time. What I am saying is not to denounce anyone, but the purpose of going green is to improve the environment and to save money, in some cases it falls short of doing both.

Yet, there are straight forward ways we can save such as replacing appliances to save from 10-50% on your utility bill, like ovens, stovetops, and refrigerators with the label ENERGY STAR is one way to go green without impacting your lifestyle. Recently, we purchased an energy-efficient washing machine and ENERGY STAR dryer combination to cut down on water usage and electricity, but that was not the sole purpose, the previous washer and dryer were looking worse for wear.

In the past, I have been asked what I thought about tankless water heaters and my response to that question is mixed because in one hand it has a high rating in energy efficiency, and my research revealed that Americans waste 9,400 gallons of water annually, what a waste! However, here I go again, there is a disadvantage in having a tankless water heater. How so? When your water source or utility company for some reason goes down, what do you do for much needed hydration? If you get rid of your 50-100 water gallon source, you too would be left looking worse for wear.

Again, going green is not just about improving the environment, but it also includes being practical, and includes your finances where it makes sense.

Speaking of conserving precious water, we can stop   pre-rinsing, and that is right,  hand -washing your dinner plates and forget the automatic heating dry cycle on your dishwasher. Did you know you can save about 11% on your electric bill by just cleaning your refrigerator coils once a month? and Did you know you can save $10-20 each month simply by forgetting the automatic ice maker and starting using ice trays instead?

These simple tactics prevent the fridge from working so hard as well as you to meet your monthly obligations.

For those that spend time in the kitchen, stop preheating your stove too prematurely,  and make sure to keep the oven door shut while cooking my dinner, otherwise, you will lose Up to 25 degrees of heat. I hope you got my intimation when I said my dinner.

Here are some additional ideas to cut back on this life-giving element, water. We can wear our clothing such as pants, shirts and so forth a bit longer, providing they are still presentable, and wait until you have a full load of laundry to wash.   We also use cold water, and since washers use 75-90% of their energy to heat water, so, if you can get away with it, use the coldest cycle as an alternative.

Another eco-friendly laundry idea is to air dry your clothing on clotheslines or anything other than your front porch.

The foregoing are just a few ideas to go green and save on your hard-earned money, and we have not touched on toxic chemicals we have in our home. Some individuals are very sensitive to synthetic chemicals, therefore before your next spring cleaning, give thought to changing to cleaning products that are eco-friendly, or better yet, use alternative  homemade cleaning solutions.

Studies have shown artificial cleaners can be toxic to our health and to our natural environment. Even disposing of these products can potentially cause water and air contamination. So, using green cleaning products mitigates substance related health risks, it improves our air quality which is one of my pet peeves when dining out and all of a sudden a strong wave of cleaning chemicals hits your face.

At this point as I excuse myself, allow me to say “do what you can to stay healthy and be conscious of the natural environment.”

The Date Palm

What grows over 75 feet and can survive for a hundred years plus? As you would guess by the title of this blog, the date palm. According to the science of botany, the palm is categorized as a plant in lieu of a tree.

In one of this week's episodes, a historian shares with us how this ancient fruit came to thrive in which many refer to the Californian Sahara, better known as the Palm Springs area.

The date palm is Considered the oldest cultivated fruit on this earth particularly in the middle east of which evidence indicate that dates go back at least to 4000 B.C. and possibly earlier than that.

Dates were introduced into this country at the turn of the 20th century instigated by the US Department of Agriculture and it has had a tremendous influence even in Hollywood in the 1920s. Rudolf Valentino was featured in the silent movie (The Sheik) and I am sure you have heard of the movie Cleopatra.

Even presently, every February the Coachella Valley enjoys an Arabian festival with an array of Arabian knight costumes with camels and ostrich races, it is a sight to behold.

To produce this ancient fruit, the work is intense because the pollination has to be done by hand and the cultivation is a 365 day endeavor. Interestingly, my guest was saying that there is one male palm that services about 49 females’ palms referred as harem.  Is that cute or what?

The date has a distinct color from brilliant red to yellow, to deep purple. Dates are very sweet to the palate and have a high level of nutritional value. Such as carbohydrates, fiber, calcium, iron, proteins, minerals including vitamin B complex, magnesium and potassium.

In fact, my guest said that you could survive on this for months, and my research on her statement revealed that the Bedouin, desert dwellers, live on this fruit and camel milk for months. If it is the same to you, I would prefer the cinnamon tea that is also a common beverage in the middle eastern region. Incidentally, the palm is associated with an oasis which made it a welcoming site for desert dwellers.

Although in this country we are most familiar with deglet noor and the medjool , culinary experts  will tell you there are hundreds of other varieties grown, however, the Palm Springs or the Coachella Valley produces 90% of this country's fruit. The point is, pharmacological studies have shown that this culinary delight contains tremendous nourishing health benefits such as  phytochemicals that may mitigate cholesterol and lower the risk of cancer,  diabetes, and cardiovascular diseases.

This ancient fruit has a biblical history, in the Torah, the first five books of the Hebrew scriptures, dates are mentioned as “d’vash” which translates to honey. And many scholars have concluded that the honey is actually date honey, or date syrup instead rather than traditional honeybee production.

Additionally, in the bible dates are mentioned indirectly in the book of Song of Salomon, when the Shulamite maiden describes the dark locks of her lover’s hair as being like date clusters resembling the date's plume of long feathery fronds not to mention the Shulammite maiden’s moral uprightness, her appearance or pulchritude was described by the clusters of the palm.  And no doubt because of the palm's upright and uniform height with its fern-like leaves, girls at that time were delighted to receive the name Tamar which refers to the (palm).

This would also explain the carvings and designs  of the palm's majestic beauty and fruitage    found in the interior walls and doors of Salomon's temple. 1Ki. 6:29, 32, 35.

Did you know Jericho means (the city of the palms)?

Obviously, this ancient fruit was often mention in scripture and to mention one more reference, in the last book, Revelation, a great crowd are depicted as holding palm branches in their hand meaning salvation and it is very telling of the date palm. Re. 7: 9,10.

Having said the forgoing, I think it warrants a personal culinary experience. I understand that some who intermittently fast for 16 hours, which includes nighttime sleep have four or five dates before and after fasting since it does not leave the body without any needed nourishment during fasting and it tends to curtail hunger. Like myself, I always thought it would be too sweet or too much sugar for the system, but I was wrong.

The sugars in dates are fructose, a plant based sugar energizing the weakened body,  and  not glucose which is simple sugar and a component of carbohydrate of which is not as healthy.

In my research I also discovered that the medicinal and nutritional value of dates should not be overlooked or ignored. For example,

Dates contain the love hormone, Oxytocin. And did you know it is used in modern medicine to ease the giving of birth and it promotes  the secretion of mother’s milk? This probably explains the historical record of 1400 years ago in an Islamic document, an Islamic woman, Maryam, was encouraged to eat dates during her pregnancy.

And not only mothers but the baby will also benefit greatly from the date by allowing the infant to suck a date during teething. Doing this hardens the baby's gums and prevents diarrhea as well as restlessness. Studies have indicated Dates also strengthen tooth enamel thus  building strong healthy teeth. In fact, I learned  that besides mothers milk, the date fruit is one  of the first things Saudi babies taste as a culinary delight after mom's milk.

So, you may ask, how can I incorporate date fruit in my diet?

I googled this question and found a plethora of recipes for your kitchen table.

From all kinds of smoothies, milk shakes, chopped dates in salads, and as a breakfast enchantment of oatmeal and this chewy caramel flavor thus avoiding the too sweet simple sugar.

dates can be easily incorporated in a sustainable diet, since they are high in fiber and you will be kept  feeling full and not ravenously crazy.

I must say, date sugar is healthier than processed white cane sugar, It lower than honey, coconut palm sugar, and many other sugary alternatives out there for it contains the highest antioxidant sweetener we can use.

In conclusion, life is sweet!

Hearing and Listening

What does it mean when you lend your ear to someone? The implication is you are going to listen carefully and sympathetically to that person. And of course, this requires hearing comprehensively well enough to possibly be of some good by offering advisement or just quietly listening to understand their feelings and commiserate.

In one of this week's episodes, an audiologist emphasized the fundamental importance of being able to hear interesting conversations with family and loved ones thus enjoying life and all it offers. Such as hearing your children at play, the natural world around us and so much more in how we perceive it.

My guest indicated that on average it takes seven years to finally conclude that there is an issue with hearing ability, it is subtle, therefore, she encouraged for those of fifty-years of age and up to visit an audiologist to arrive at a base line and determine what needs to be done  to improve our hearing. Incidentally, as of October of 2022, over-the-counter hearing aids are now available and are much more affordable.

As we know listening is imperative to communication, and with your permission, this is what I will expand in this blog assuming our hearing is normal.

However, I must ask myself, I wonder if the reason most people talk to themselves is because they are often the only ones who are willing to listen? It would be a generally sad state of affairs if that were the case! I am sure we can agree that there is a distinct difference between being able to hear and willing to actually listen.

To expand on that a bit, Listening lends itself more to a psychological process, rather than a physiological act. With the human ear we hear words and take them in, after that, it becomes psychological because we have to interpret what the words mean in conjunction with non-verbal communication such as facial and body language as well.

Non-verbal communication also includes tone of voice, pitch, pace and power of speech, eye to eye contact, body posture and so on. I recall an FBI agent, a body language expert, stated that if there is inconsistency between the verbal and the non-verbal being displayed, we tend to put greater weight on the non-verbal, it is definitely an art to acquire. I would have to include that the more we know the person, we are more than likely to get the correct understanding, for example, what is being said has to match our familiarity of that individual which unfortunately, can be referred to as a bias.

There are so many nuances of communication going on simultaneously. Ever tried to listen to someone when you are not familiar with the topic, especially if you are totally not interested? It is impossible! Unless we ask curious questions to grasp what is being said, I suppose you can call it having an open mind, but do not let it fall out. It boils down to the tendency of hearing what we want to hear.

I wonder, could Listening be falling to the wayside as a lost art because we are communicating much more electronically? Think of it, being an excellent listener will assist you in every aspect of life, with family relationships, friends, and with your coworkers.

A huge problem is Distraction. Of course, listening may not be as dangerous as keeping your eyes on the road while driving, but when you receive a text, it is almost impossible not to avert your eyes to the incoming text. Who is this and what do they want? In fact, studies have shown that if you were to travel at 65 miles per-hour, and you avert your eyes from the road for one second, you just traveled 95 feet as if you were blind folded. Therefore, to improve our listening we must pay attention, be in the moment and respond accordingly. You can always tell, and I am guilty of this, when talking on the phone, there is a certain lag of response in the interchange, you are not in the moment, tuning out for a second or two and the other person knows it consciously or subconsciously.

When someone is getting ready to speak to you, clear your mind and lend your ear fully by carefully listening. Do not let your phone distract that moment and if you must, turn it off. If you are in front of the monitor, turn away from it with your chair facing toward the person addressing you. Even if you hear your email chime, do not let it distract you.

Try to pay attention fully to the other individual, disregarding what you must do and even the mundane tasks. Incidentally, multitasking is a total myth, the mind cannot concentrate on two things equally at the same time. So why not focus on that person completely?

I have learned that the best kind of listening is about being extemporaneous, not being prepared or rehearsed of what you are going to say or ask next in the interaction. You must ask yourself; how can I know what to say or ask if I do not know what the other person is going to say? You must trust in yourself that you will respond appropriately to what is being said to you. This will have a tremendous impact on the other person, providing a powerful message that you are listening, you are in the moment, thus you are demonstrating you truly care.

Having the ability or the gift of listening is demonstratable of the quality of empathy. What you are doing is putting yourself in how they see and feel their world and trying to understand their sentiments. Whatever you do, do not be judgmental, because this   will hinder interchange because, remember, they will be observing your non-verbal reactions, your body language. The whole point is, you want to be approachable and most will know that you are interested and willing to understand their perspective, they will open themselves up to you, they will know you can be trusted and respect their position.

I have been in situations where someone had to pour their heart out to lessen their emotional burden, and afterwards thanked me profusely for talking to them, but in reality, I did not say much, this is the secret.

Here is a useful acronym to always remember, including myself, in any conversation is (WAIT). Which means (Why Am I Talking?)

So, if you (lend) your ear to someone in need of your attention, you may reap many dividends on your time you invested to listen.

Overcoming Phobias

In NYC Central Park a mother with her baby in a stroller sees a man in a clown costume and runs away in a hysterical panic leaving her baby behind. What is it that would cause a mother to completely forget her maternal instincts? This was one of the stories my guest shared with me and obviously, there is a deep seeded negative experience that has carried over into her adulthood, and psychologists will tell you that all of us have gone through some trauma reflecting itself in later years.

In one of this week's episodes, an expert in the field of phobias explained the reason and also gave some tips on how to overcome such fear by means of neuroplasticity, a changing of thinking patterns.

In fact, the fear could be an experience with spiders, snakes, riding an elevator, an airplane flight or anything that we personally may see as harmless, but to that person, the phobia is much too real and impossible to deal with emotionally. I am reminded while growing up, I would sometimes come home with a snake in my jacket, needless to say, my mother never tolerated it whatsoever. However, I wonder because of the exposure to creatures and other things like that prevented me from being fearful as an adult.

Another incident that I am thinking of, was when I caught a small field mouse and went up to one of my dad's big robust workers, and once he saw it in my hand, he literally ran away in a panic-stricken manner, and as a boy frightened me just as much.

I have come to appreciate that Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) is not limited to the emotional and physical scars from battlefield trauma because we are grappling with the complexities of the human nervous system.

Neuroscience has hypothesized that fear memories are formed by reinforcing the connections between the hippocampus, a section of the brain located inside the temporal lobe, consisting mainly of grey matter, and the amygdala, located as a pair in the medial temporal lobe, believed to play a key role in processing emotions, such as fear and pleasure, in both animals and humans.

Neurological Experiments according to (Nature Communications), unequivocally, and for the first time, extrapolated that the formation of fear memories is linked with the strengthening of the brain connections between the hippocampus and amygdala.

So, the rhetorical question is, by weakening these connections, could we erase these entrenched fear memories? According to neuro research, the answer is a resounding yes!

Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, affects about 28 million people in this country, and how these people see their phobia is literally the elephant in the room. This elephant is the experience or what they witnessed   as a traumatic event, such as in the military, a physical assault, or a natural disaster, PTSD can be problematic in our daily activity for many years, limiting our enjoyment in life.

our brain has the ability to configure a fear memory related with predicting a precarious situation enabling us to protect ourselves from that initial traumatic event from reoccurring. However, those brain connections become overgeneralized and over emphasized causing symptoms of overwhelming fear reactions that include nightmares or undesirable memories of the trauma, situations that trigger memories of reliving the trauma thus creating anxiety, and despondency.

Of course, these brain mechanisms have a place in our daily life to avoid danger, and imagine how necessary an animal needs the innate ability to predict harm based from bad experiences,  however, these feelings from a human standpoint, become too exaggerated and can hamper real joy in life.

We have a friend who experienced an auto accident a while back, and ever since then, she refuses to have anything to do with her vehicle, having something to do with the noise of the crash, the smells and related sudden emotions.  Also, I occasionally visit with a Vietnam veteran who served as a medic, just recently informed me that as he grows older, he tends to relive all those bad memories more often affecting his sleep.

In my research on this topic, here are some tips we can employ short of getting professional help.

Increased amounts of spare time can often  make unpleasant memories worse and more frequent. Creating a routine and maintaining it will give structure to our daily lives, therefore, our mind will be preoccupied in wholesome activity.  We can spend more time on our desired hobby or involve ourselves in other enjoyable activities that we had not made time for earlier in life. For example, we can learn to cook, which many will attest to its therapeutic benefits. Also, you can start to enjoy the outdoors more often, such as fishing, hiking, or take up photography, or better yet, avail yourself as a spiritual mentor.

Unfortunately, many times our past employment was a large part of what identified us, so what do you do now that you are retired?

It is never too late to learn a new skill like wood work, painting using acrylics or oils to paint natural scenes, share what you do with others, and in turn, you will develop a wider base network of appreciative true friends.

Maintaining relationships with people you care about  is integrative to our emotional health, and as humans, we are always looking for those with common interests, this is therapeutic medicine we should never ignore.

If there is anything I have learned over the years, I am willing to improvise when things are not so straightforward. It is a matter of changing the problem if you cannot resolve it head on.

For example, if poor vision makes reading impossible, a problem you cannot resolve head on, why not try audiobooks or educational podcasts instead thus improvising. Then, there are those who are homebound because of limited mobility, there is technology  which is an option to receive personal help  like telehealth and other types of beneficial counseling.

In conclusion, the appeal is being made to those that know of someone that is in desperate need of our attention, your encouragement may be what is needed to impel that person to get professional help.

Surviving a Recession

Is it not true, the onset of the common cold starts with the first three days of symptoms, then a three-day full-blown of feeling lethargic, achy, and possibly in bed, but then followed by three days of progressive recovery? An economic recession is very much like that, and the main point I want to emphasize in this blog is that an economic recession, like the common cold, is temporary.

In one of this week's episodes, a financial expert discussed how we can successfully weather an economic downturn called a recession, but it takes preparation on our part.

How would you define a recession?

In my research a recession can be defined as a downturn or a shrinkage of the economy over a business cycle, often defined by economists as two consecutive quarters of negative gross domestic product, or GDP which occurred in the first two quarters of 2022.

However, in this country there is the National Bureau of Economic Research (NBER), who overall make final recession related determinations. NBER takes into account the entire economic landscape such as indicators related to your personal income, employment or the lack thereof, consumer spending, wholesale and retail sales, and industrial productivity. This is fine and dandy, but I would rather look at it from a personal level.

It has been said that when your neighbor loses his job because of economic conditions, it is a Recession, however, when you lose your own job, it is an economic Depression. Like many things, our perspective is relative to us personally no matter how the media spins it with linguistic palatability, in other words utilizing euphemisms to make it easier to swallow what is being said.

So, hopefully the following will prepare you to identify the onset of the first three days of the common cold coming on as it were and make necessary decisions to get through the worst and find yourself surviving financially and I must say emotionally as well.

The biggest concerns, materially speaking, are your shelter or your home, groceries and transportation that gets you back and forth from your place of employment, and I would say in that order of priority. And of course, we are talking about sufficient employment income to mitigate financial obligations to move forward and eventually find ourselves on the other side of recession.

Therefore, first, I would ask myself, how secure is my job? If you find your position becoming less relevant because of economic conditions, it is time to explore other employment opportunities before your position fizzles out. I have found that having two or even three streams of income is the best scenario to surviving financially and you will find the self-employed are in a better position, since they are autonomous and have a better control of personal productivity.

I am sure you have heard of the adage of not putting all your eggs in one basket, this is also true when applied in having just one job. To have at least a second stream of income, you will have to analyze your skills or interests to determine what might be a good fit. The last thing you want is to have a second job you hate! Here is a reliable source that may put you on the right path www.sidehustlenation.com.

When considering your home, if property values have dipped significantly, it is time to apply for the county to reassess your property taxes for the purpose of adjusting the assessment tax which translate to adding to your personal savings account, and do not worry, the county will reassess free of charge.

Additionally, we need to lessen our burden of debt, because that is what it is, a tremendous burden.

During a recession when jobs are few and far between,  capital is tight, those high debt balances and  payments only add unnecessary stress to an already stressful situation. So it’s time to make a plan of action for your financial situation to pay down your debt obligations.

Did you know that creditors will collaborate with you by renegotiating the interest rate or even provide a moratorium for a period for the purpose of giving you time to regroup financially? The last thing they desire is for anyone to default on their existing credit balances. This is true for credit cards, and every mortgage company that I know of has a mitigation department that will help you since they are in the business of finance and not in the real estate business, therefore, incentivized to work with you. It is a matter of asking, and I still hold to my personal observation that there are more of those that want to help than those that want to ask for help, it is inexcusable.

Also, exercising frugality is not difficult as some may lead you to believe. But to the contrary, a frugal lifestyle is not about pinching  the nickel so tight that the Indian ends up riding the buffalo, it is not deprivation of things that bring you joy. But rather, it has to do with making conscious spending decisions that come with very little impact on your personal lifestyle. In fact, adopting this lifestyle will prepare you to succeed through any recession, which incidentally, is an integral part of any economy.

Do you have two vehicles? Can you do with just one vehicle? Can you investigate into downsizing your home or apartment? Can you cut back on eating out or that expensive and overrated cup of joe?

The key is to live simply, hmm sounds like I have heard that before.  I would recommend the cuts that you make financially, are not too extreme and unrealistic, otherwise, it will be almost impossible to sustain this chosen lifestyle. I would compare it to being on an extreme or unrealistic diet where deprivation is never sustainable.  Learning how to get by with the basics and making it a way of life regardless of any economic condition is the answer to surviving a recession successfully.

The truth of the matter is, a recession is always beyond our control, However,  the only thing we can control is how we prepare ourselves for an economic hardship.  With precautionary measures in place, you can protect  your family and your finances, which will make a world of difference in your financial and emotional state. And any downturn in the economy that we may experience will not be something to fear or dread.

The Soil and Your Skin

Did you know that your skin resembles the soil that covers this God-given earth? How so?

The human skin, the largest body organ, has three different layers with a protective top layer known as the epidermis followed by the dermis and most inner layer the hypodermis. Each layer contains a rich microbiome, and there is an interaction of nutrients and gases such as the emission of carbon dioxide from the skin. And, the earth, the largest object related to us, is also comprised of three different layers, the crust, the mantle and the most inner part, the core, and the soil also emits carbon dioxide through the upper layer. Having said the foregoing, would you say they are equally important? There is no question, contemporary skin care treatments should reflect the practices of modern farming.

In one of this week's episodes, a ranch owner in northern Ca shared with us his operation of regenerative farming on his four-thousand-acre ranch where he raises poultry and beef, of which can be defined as free range.

What is regenerative farming?

When the principles of regenerative farming are employed, the soil is renewed or revitalized. Regenerative farming leads to much healthier soil, producing high quality food providing you nutrient dense meals on your plate. rather than diminishing the lands productivity, by extension, it lends itself to the productivity of farms, healthier families, and communities. It is a dynamic and comprehensive approach, incorporating a system of sustainable farming that renews natural resources and enriches the local ecosystems. This would include tilling conservation, land covering crops such as grains, grasses, legumes and varying the crops grown in each field from year to year, known as crop rotation. The practice of composting is also recommended which involves the decay of remains of organic matter that has rotted thus providing a natural fertilizer.

I personally witness this process for many years when My dad would mulch the vineyard prune clippings deep into the ground to fertilize and minimize weed growth, improving soil structure.

And did you know the catastrophic event that took place in the 1930s known as the dust bowl could have been prevented?

We can see the Over-Plowing That Contributed to the Dust Bowl. As we know, each year, the process of farming starts by preparing the soil to be planted. However, for too many years, farmers had over-plowed their farms creating a fine soil particulate, and all you needed was a protracted drought and a fierce wind to blow the rich topsoil away. In other words, the plow broke the plains.

This had never happened before. Since throughout the ages the plains were covered by grass as far as the eye could see, a natural soil cover that can be likened to your epidermis, your upper skin layer, and this was where the bison lived and flourished throughout the centuries.

Regenerative farming is by no means a new concept of land stewardship.

The native Americans employed an agricultural approach of utilizing the interactive benefits from combining trees and shrubs with crops and/or livestock throughout history. It is fascinating to me that many things come in threes, because we are talking about trees, crops, and animals together in a manner that benefits all three elements. They also practiced silviculture meaning the management of forestry to nourish wildlife populations, improving the availability of wild game. Along with this, Indigenous Americans also grazed animals among trees known today as the practice of silvopasture, the practice of combining forestry and grazing of domesticated animals for a symbiotic benefit. Both methods improved forest health, increased soil carbon sequestration by the organic matter being left behind by livestock, providing a hiding place for animals and an increased living areas for wildlife.

Across this country, Indigenous people utilized controlled fires for intentional forests management as well. The ash provided nutrients for the soil as an organic form of fertilizer, as a result, trees would grow back bountifully. This involves burning forests, especially ground fuel, using ash as a nutrient for crops thus fostering healthy trees and plant regeneration over time. Sadly, this practice has fallen to the wayside in California evidenced by what we experience on an annual basis.

Much like your skin, the ground has the natural ability to heal itself. In fact, my guest said that if the soil is left alone the soil will become what it should be in a hundred years, rich for planting, however, with modern science of farming and ingenuity, it can be accomplished in ten years.

Of course, most of us are not farmers, but I would venture to say, there are many backyard gardeners. So, here are some tips to regenerate your backyard garden, by landscape expert at the Rodale Institute, a nonprofit organization dedicated to promoting the organic movement by their extensive research.

The recommendation is to feed your garden from your compost pile thus eliminating the need for fertilizer even from organic ones. Other than for fishing, make effective use of earthworms that will convert your garden into nutrient-dense materials which reminds me of a good friend who has long passed away that would sell earth worms to avid fisherman, and he would always have a generous portion for his garden, and it was amazing how obviously rich and healthy his garden was.

Additionally, do not forget food waste, which is rich in vitamins, minerals and many other nutrients, and green crop residue such as leaves, stalks, roots, into a form that is absorbable by your garden.

Incidentally, you can use bokashi fermentation, which expedites the composting process by adding yeast to the process. bokashi is the use of a mixture of microorganisms to cover food waste, mitigating odors, based on an ancient Japanese gardening practice.

I could not say it better than the following about the future:

"The wilderness and the parched land will exult, And the desert plain will be joyful and blossom as the saffron." (Isaiah 35:1.  

The bottom line, “take care of the soil and it will take care of you."

Overcoming Cultural Differences

Is there a difference between a man in New York City wearing a three-piece suit and an Aboriginal person in Australia wearing a loin cloth? Many would say that you could not be more diametrically different. But I would say they are the same in terms of having the same aspirations of good health for their babies, their loved ones, themselves, and hope to enjoy a long happy life. Obviously, the differences are cultural by what is worn externally and how they carry themselves in the routine of life. The New Yorker in the rush chugging a cup of coffee and a bagel in the other hand, which is unique to his culture, while an Aboriginal person is more connected to his natural environment which is unique to his culture, like the native American. So, it is the culture that separates people and not the figurative heart.

In this week's episode, a historian and a representative of the media expounded on the cultural region of Appalachia, southwest Virginia bordering the state of Kentucky and Tennessee.

If you are tired of the hustle and bustle of life, there is an open invitation for you to enjoy the beautiful hiking and off-road trails and much more of this historic region. However, over the years many have misunderstood the Appalachian folks as strange and thus stereotyped them and their way of life. In fact, the historian indicated movies have been a huge culprit, such as the movie Deliverance in 1972 starring Burt Reynolds.

The intension of this blog is to expand the wonderment of other cultures and minimize the apprehension that comes with the unknown. Unfortunately, many tend to give much more credence to an anecdotal account rather than a fact.

Understanding that we are all different in our likes and dislikes in food, recreation and in so many other ways, and the forming and shaping of our feelings can be argued had their inception in how parents reared us. If we find ourselves a little apprehensive of other cultures, it is time that we peel off the layers of our misconceptions and get to know and appreciate the differences of the human family.

In speaking of the Appalachian folks, and I call them folks because it carries a connotation of humility, friendliness, being well grounded to home and family, and motivated by the desire to survive, and I love their thick southern accent. Am I stereotyping? Yes, I am, however, in a positive way since the true meaning of stereotyping is generalizing how people behave and it does not always come with a negative connotation. You have to admire their self-sufficiency in how they live without help, a region where these folks can grow and hunt their own groceries, find and develop their own water sources, repair their own homes, and mine out enough coal to electrify the entire country and The rest of the world, and yet, these folks are viewed as not too intelligent, truly an enigma.

These small, isolated Appalachian Mountain towns hide a wealth of knowledge that has developed from generation to generation. You must consider the history of the 1600s, where these people used these mountains as a safe place from oppressive governments and used the new world as an escape like many other groups. But why these mountains in West Virginia, Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia, and other mountain states, you may ask? This region reminded them of the terrain or topography of the beautiful homes from Ireland, the Germanic countryside, Britain, and the many other European countries. Any of you with Irish, German, or British ancestry? Can you see that we are not so different?

It begins in our own locality. How many eateries are there in your hometown representing diverse cultural Cuisines? I think that would be a good start to get to know the differences or the commonality that we all have, which is a paradox, and to a degree it is tantamount to learning a new language.

Getting to know different people and their way of life is one of the best ways we can learn from each other, and in turn, learn more about ourselves, there is a clear element of kinship.

By jumping in with our both feet into other cultures that are so different from our own, it lends itself to learning about each other, where people came from, their customs, and what they grapple with as a community.

It also compels us to criticize well established assumptions held about our own daily routine, stimulating in us amazing personal growth. You may find out something new about your own culture during the process.

Have you ever been encouraged to learn another language?

Over the years this has served me well. Of course, I am not fluent in different languages except in Spanish and I sometimes wonder about English. At any rate, why not learn certain phrases to make the initial human connection?

It does not have to be complicated at all, but just a little effort to learn (hello) or a simple phrase, especially if you are likely to meet diverse cultures of people.

If I can do it, I am certain you can too, I have learn phrases in Chinese, Japanese, Arabic and middle eastern Indian, you should see how much people light up when they find that you took the time and effort to learn something about them, and they will usually reciprocate, making the human connection possible, thus enabling you to share something that is beneficial to them and family.

Do not be apprehensive to ask pertinent questions, but make sure you are being an active listener, it is imperative to go out of your way to show respect when someone is kind enough to open their door and share their cultural world or values, and you may find yourself reevaluating personal biases.

By normalizing the fact that we can learn to change our point of view and permitting ourselves to admit our biases, we can start to recognize other cultures of people for who they are, yes, people just like you.

Is Introversion a Strength or Weakness

An electric vehicle on average will go approximately 211 miles before having to recharge the battery. This aptly describes a person that is an introvert, he or she can only go so far before they must stop any kind of interaction and reenergize by going for a stroll, read a book or just spend some quiet time alone. Their inner world or internal battery is thus recharged to move forward with daily tasks.

Unfortunately, these moments are often misconstrued and stereotyped as being aloof, withdrawn and disconnected socially.

In this week's episode, an International Speaker, Coach and Best-Selling Author addressed introversion from a personal standpoint and said that it is a strength, a gift and not a behavioral weakness.

When we think of top introverted athletes like Kobe Bryant and Michael Jordan, top athletes who were on top of their game, they were often seen recharging, sitting alone, relaxing, listening to music before a competitive game. In contrast, an extrovert feeds, or recharges from the interaction of others and quiet time is not so necessary. However, I must say, there is nothing derogatory either way, it is a matter of how we differently process energy.

Introversion is a behavioral inclination which means it is a propensity or preference. In other words, there is a spectrum of behavior of introversion and extroversion in each one of us. For example, my guest indicated that Tom Hanks is an introvert but shows extroverted traits when called upon to do so as an actor. But remember, it is a total drain on your battery to be pretentious, you can only go so far pretending to be an extrovert. It would be interesting to know what Tom Hanks does to recharge and perform as he does.

Not to take away anything from extroverts, but there are many benefits from being an introvert. Introverts are naturally adept as active listeners and have the reputation of being the one that a friend will call when they are having to deal with a personal challenge or to share some good news. The old cliche of having two ears to listen twice as much as to speak is undeniably an inherent truth.

In addition to their superlative listening skills, introverts have extraordinary observational skills. As an extrovert processes while talking aloud, an introvert is quietly processing what is being said, what is not being said, observing body language, and feeling their surrounding environment and thus extrapolating to arrive at an intuitive conclusion. Also, they are especially skilled in recognizing the quality of introversion in others. They can tell when the other person is in the process of deep introspection, allowing the person time and space to reflect, to refuel and arrive at their own conclusion, and thus there is emotional comfort in the mutual interaction.

There is no question these qualities make them excellent interpersonal communicators.

Another aspect of introverts is that they choose their close-knit friends wisely, only a hand full of friends. Remember, introverts can feel themselves being drained or exhausted by others, which is in stark contrast to extroverts where they draw energy from a large network of acquaintances. Introverts are very selective about who they bring into their circle of friends. And this quality causes an introverted individual to be a loyal friend, an attentive friend, a devoted friend, much more than just an acquaintance.

Studies have shown that introverts make good leaders because of their compassion for others. They do not crave to be in the limelight, they are not hungry for commendations or accolades, but prefer to highlight and bring attention to the contributions and the strengths of others.

Since introvert’s process information more thoughtfully than their extroverted counterpart, this lends itself to getting to know each team member, thus learning the skills and strengths and the passion of each one, introverts are known to be personable. Hence, putting the team in the forefront engenders motivation and cooperation, making the work environment happier and more successful.

Now that I have made my case that introversion is a quality worth cultivating, how do I begin?

We can begin by understanding that introverts are not the most talkative people in the world. To learn introversion, try to practice the rule of (silence is golden) in your next group of interaction, let others talk more without your interruption. Ask questions to get others conversing, try to focus on others and less on yourself.

We can also begin by slowing down and pausing more often, even when your spouse requires a rapid response and accuses you of not listening. Does that resonate with you? Simply mention that you are listening perfectly and processing what was said to arrive at a pragmatic answer, communication is better than reaction, which is often the case with those close to us. Unless you enjoy continuing to stick your foot in your mouth!

Have you heard that those that speak loudly are often less heard?

So, learn to speak more softly which tends to engender thoughtfulness, more of a meditative mannerism, and encourages your listeners to lean forward giving what you are saying more importance, authority and giving your words more preponderance, it really does work.

Again, allow me to say, we all have a touch of extroversion and introversion, it is a spectrum and either quality can be commanded to work for you in any situation in this complicated world.

Confidence is Developmental

Lyrics: Little Boy, in a baseball hat. Stands in the field with his ball and bat. Says I am the greatest player of them all. Puts his bat on his shoulder and he tosses up his ball. And the ball goes up and the ball comes down. Swings his bat all the way around. The world's so still you can hear the sound. The baseball falls to the ground. Now the little boy does not say a word. Picks up his ball, he is undeterred. Says I am the greatest there has ever been. And he grits his teeth, and he tries it again. He proceeds to try until he strikes himself out!

Now it is supper time, and his mama is calling. Little boy starts home with his bat and ball. Says I am the greatest that is a fact. But even (I did not know I could pitch like that!) A song by Kenny Rogers.

This is a picture of self-confidence and self-esteem, which today is what many young ones lack, and it is not limited to our youth.

In this week's episode a certified life coach expounded how our teens and parents can cooperate to aid and assist their teens to develop the skills necessary for their successful future.

Interestingly, the origin of confidence comes from a Latin word that conveys the idea of trust or self-trust, not to be confused with Arrogance or hubris because there is no meritorious evidence for self-confidence.

Self-confidence is always connected with knowledge, experience and practice of a skill or natural ability.

Having a healthy level of self-confidence is helpful in our personal and business life. Research has shown that people who are more confident tend to excel academically, are personally motivated to pursue their goals, often seen in professional athletes. Even affects how we present ourselves to others in general.

However, how can we boost a healthy portion of self-confidence in ourselves if we are struggling in this area?

We begin by understanding that there are seven billion people on this God-given earth and every one of us is different in many levels, so, we need to stop comparing ourselves to others. The inclination is to compare ourselves in social media, comparing our income salary, and admittedly, it is natural to make these comparisons, but it does not boost self-confidence, but only creates envy.

We must make a conscious effort to reflect on our own strengths and achievements, we are in a personal race, it is not a competition.

With the risk of being accused of brow beating, you want to surround yourself With Positive People. How do they make you feel in their company? Are they encouraging, uplifting or do you find them toxic company even after trying to redirect the conversation? We are the average of the sum of the five people we associate with.

Take Care of Your Biology:

This Tip cannot be overly emphasized to acquire self-confidence. This concept is based on the idea that it is impossible to feel good about yourself if we are neglecting our biology. When you practice physical well-being, you are convincing yourself that you are doing something positive for your mind, body, and even your spiritual state.

A few months ago, a guest on the show was telling me how he reflects on the food he ingests by using acronyms. An acronym for the (diet) means (did I eat that?) or a little more ominous, the first three letters is (die), and it works for me.

A healthy diet comes with many benefits, including elevated levels of confidence and self-esteem. When you give your body the nutrients it needs, you feel much healthier, stronger, and with more energy, as a result, you will feel better about yourself.

Fortunately, my better half is an excellent cook, and when we talk about going out for lunch, I quickly tell myself of how much better the cooking at home is compared to local restaurants, they cannot hold a candle in comparison, when you think of the unhealthy ingredients used, not to mention the expense.

Studies continue to show that physical exercise boosts self-confidence, but when we consider improving our body image, it is incontrovertible. It does not have to be strenuous, but moderation is the key, it will provide you with longevity and especially if it is fun. But it is raining outside! Do not let that stop you, put on water-resistant clothing and ride your bike around the block, unleash the youngster within and try something new and accelerating.

Practice Meditation: It is much more than breathing exercises to relax, but includes self-talk that helps to accept yourself, your strengths, your contributions to those around you, your purpose in life. This will mitigate the negative mental chatter that interrupts your confidence and self-esteem.

I will tell you that I have learned much more from failures than successes, they are mor indelible. Learn to embrace those moments of no success. Thomas Edison had about 7000 failures before he succeeded in the invention of the light bulb. He assertively argued that he learned 7000 ways it did not work, he embraced his failures and was in-love with the process of resolving the issue.

Make it a habit to face your fears head on because, they are exaggerated and unjustifiable, do not disregard or run away. Never ever say, "I cannot manage this." This is impossible." But always tell yourself, "I can do this." Or "I can try and do my best and learn from it." Even if you strike yourself out like that little boy, there is always something to be learned, he learned he was the greatest pitcher of all.

As humanity, we are all in the same boat, we all have strengths and weaknesses, we all mumble and stumble along through life, it is only human for the young and old, you are not alone, I must remind myself as well.

Recovering From Trauma

At the age of nine while riding my bike home from school, as I traversed the intersection I got hit by a vehicle. I was certain the driver saw me since the driver was not moving, it was the only vehicle at the crossing, however, the driver decided   to move into the intersection and turned in to me right in the middle of the street. I was thrown off my bike, I was totally stunned, and what was so striking, no pun intended, the driver never got off their vehicle to check on my condition. Fortunately, I was not hurt or did not know at the time, but because of adrenaline I quickly got up and hopped on my bike and went home as fast as I could.

At the time I could not process what had just happened, I did not even inform my parents and never did. I have often wondered why I never reported the incident to my parents. I was afraid I would be blamed for not being alert and careful enough would be my only guess. Now that I am thinking about it, I have only revealed my incident to two people over the years, and now, you. Or I did get hurt and all my life's experiences since then have just been something I have dreamt of while in a comatose condition. I know, it is weird thinking, but it would sure make a good plot for a movie. I can only deduce that I was traumatized, and I suspect the driver was as well because of their reaction or the lack thereof.

In this week's episode an internationally recognized therapist said that we all have experienced trauma to some degree or another and our emotional negative repercussions eventually show up and effects our personal and business life.

Trauma is defined as a profound distressing or disturbing episode that includes mental, emotional, and physical injury in life, and as I am defining this term you may be thinking of your own incident.

As Merle Haggard sings in one of my favorite songs, "memories are stronger than time", and memories make us dredge up certain deep-seated emotions. True, some memories are positive that make us smile, but there are also negative memories that make us weep. Then, there are some memories with more profound, and affect us more severely, without being aware of it. Sometimes just a certain glimpse of something, a smell, a certain noise which reminds me of my cousin who experienced the war in Vietnam. After his two tours in southeast Asia, when he would hear a certain noise, he would immediately hit the ground with his hands over his head. There is no question about it, there are many that struggle with emotional and psychological trauma.

The fact of the matter is, traumatic experiences in life cannot be changed, and they may continue to affect us or can affect us intermittently. Although we cannot change our past, we can heal from these negative experiences, it is possible.

To illustrate, while putting up some barb fencing many years ago, one of the wire strands gave way and slashed my arm above the elbow. I did heal, however, it left me with an obvious scar to remind me of, and occasionally, it gets a little sensitive because of the keloid. My point is, my arm healed even though it reminds me sometimes, but it does not bother me so much that it is not tolerable. Similarly, pain due to emotional and psychological trauma is manageable and tolerable.

So how do we begin to heal those emotional and psychological open wounds?

The human family is naturally gregarious, we need the human connection, the human touch, the sense of belonging, in fact, you see it in all living creatures. Think of it, there are flocks of all sorts, there are herds of all sorts, there are pods of mammals of all sorts and so forth. We can learn from them, much like biologists have learned their instinctive behavior and even have reversed engineered their natural behavioral characteristic to improve our lives in many ways.

Having said the forgoing, never isolate yourself, but accept the lunch invitation when asked, join a group that share your personal interests, who share your personal perspective, who share the same goals with the bigger picture of the future, and it will start to mitigate your emotional struggles.

How do I know this? I have been there, I know what works, what does not work, and speaking from empirical experience, I am no longer a spring chicken.

Let us examine one example that I think many people would strive to emulate or copy as a behavioral model.

Have you ever seen a flock of geese flying overhead? The only caveat I can share with you is never stand underneath when you see this geese formation. You have noticed the unique shape of the formation which reminds you of the letter V, which stands for "victory” from my perspective. Research has discovered that the innate nature of this bird while in flight has a lesson to teach us about unity, taking the lead, human connection, and teamwork.

Did you know that as each goose flaps its wings, it generates an air “uplift” for the bird that is directly behind it and when the front bird tires out, they rotate? By flying in this V formation, the entire flock adds 71% more energy than flying alone, thus impacting the stamina as to how long and how far the flock can fly. And when a goose drops out of synchrony, it quickly gets into formation with the encouragement of the flocks honking. Are you starting to see the importance of the human connection?

Is it not true, there is more strength in unity when there is a group working for the same goal?

Another beautiful characteristic is when a goose gets ill or wounded by gunshot, two geese will fall out of formation and descend with the injured bird while honking as an encouragement, to aid and assist and to show their protection. And they linger until the goose expires or recovers to rejoin the flock or they launch a new formation to accomplish their concerted effort.

Please meditate on what I shared with you in how to recover from emotional and psychological trauma as I get ready to meet with my personal V of friends.

Emotional Competence

How do you measure a person's average intelligence, known as IQ? To answer the question, the average IQ is made to have an average score of 100 usually given by a psychologist. I personally have not taken the test, and have no desire to, some things are best left alone, ignorance is bliss.

However, there is such a thing as Emotional Intelligence, how do you measure it or quantify it as to whether we have a high or a low EI?

In one of this week's episodes my guest, a lawyer/peacemaker, spoke to the importance of cultivating emotional intelligence. He said we must learn to listen beyond words and listen to the emotions of the other, especially, if we want to de-escalate an angry confrontation or situation.

Emotional Intelligence (EI) is defined as the ability to manage both your own feelings and acutely understand the feelings of individuals around us. Unfortunately, many times when there is a heated disagreement, we have the tendency to react instead of communicating with emotional intelligence.

Many times, we are left asking ourselves “why did I say that?" "Where did that come from?" Yes, it is a reaction in lieu of real heart felt communication without understanding or the ability to commiserate with the other person's emotional state.

Scientifically speaking, those that have learned to apply emotional intelligence have benefited and are found to be more productive, tend to advance at their place of employment, and have higher employment satisfaction.

Folks with great emotional intelligence build strong working relationships, there is a sense of teamwork, reducing stress, and helps to inspire others. Their strong communal skills help the business owner and managers to create productive relationships with anyone that interacts with the company, thus, the bottom line, contributing toward improvement of revenue for all.

Imagine what emotional intelligence will do for your family and your circle of friends.

So, how do I know if I have a Low EI and How can I improve on it?

To explain it succinctly, according to Psychology Today, emotional intelligence is the skill to identify and (manage) our own emotions, as well as the other person's emotions.

Emotional intelligence has four sentimental skills: self-awareness, social or communal awareness, empathy, and emotional management. An individual with minimal emotional intelligence is not proficient in one or more of these skills.

Therefore, EI will manifest itself by the wrong reaction, defensiveness, emotionally unapproachable, unwilling to engage, or avoiding direct communication altogether. Hardly a picture of emotional maturity, hence, these behavioral patterns are demonstrable of low emotional competence.

The question must be asked, how do I improve my emotional competence?

First, let me say that Low emotional intelligence does not mean you are a horrible person. But it is an indicator that you are not paying close attention to your emotions. For example, we may wrongly perceive someone's statement as a personal offence, but that was not the intention, we are overly sensitive.

It will take practice to hone our (awareness) of our feelings and the feelings of others.

It is a matter of learning to identify others’ emotions. One suggested way is to turn down the sound of your TV while watching a movie, pay attention to the characters, their facial and body language, and make a note of all the emotions you are seeing. Just between you and me, my favorite pass time is watching silent movies. Or when you are active, at the grocery store, department store, observe the people around you. Can you identify what emotions they are experiencing?

Even while on the phone, you can easily perceive whether the person on the line is frowning, or has a furrowed brow, it comes through in every word uttered. Similarly, you can see whether the person is smiling, you can almost see a clear picture of their facial expressions, almost perceive what they look like, it is all in the voice inflection. This is called the skill of (awareness).

In addition, with awareness, what will also help to improve our emotional competence is to cultivate a keen sense of (empathy), as a result, you will develop a high   EI.

Those that research the science of emotions define empathy as the gift to sense the emotions of others, coupled with the ability to perceive the thoughts and feelings of another person, and being keenly aware can help you do that.

The skill of empathy does not come naturally for many, it must be learned and practiced, otherwise, it amounts to low emotional intelligence.

An obvious indicator of the lack of empathy is when we find ourselves being overly critical of others, tacitly judging others, even when the person being judged has no control over the situation whatsoever, or just because they are different from you.

Here are a few tips to improve empathy:

Cultivate Curiosity, if there is anything I have learned along the way, people love to talk about themselves, their personal interests, their family, so ask questions, you may be delightfully surprised to know you both have many things in common. Move out of your comfort zone!

It calls for personal introspection, be available to understand your biases by reflecting inwardly and taking stock in what makes you, you. You may find out that both of you share a common cause in life.

"“You cannot understand someone until you have walked a mile in their shoes.” Whoever first coined this phrase is lost in history. However, the fact that this utterance has never been lost shows the importance of empathy in living a meaningful life, please take this to heart.

Glucose And The Brain

What is it that gives you a sudden tremendous surge of energy to be able to fly over a gate while there is a rottweiler targeting your backside? What is it that makes you so irritated that once someone looks at you sideways you want to immediately engage in hand-to-hand combat?

In this week's episodes a Psychiatric Nurse Practitioner related how our food is intertwines with mental health and the worse culprit is glucose, the sugar we ingest. Before and after the show recordings, I can talk personally and privately with so many professionals in fields of discipline, and with many takeaways, it is amazing and will be sharing these with you.

Having said that, today we are talking about two different hormones, cortisol, and epinephrine (also known as adrenaline).

Adrenaline and cortisol are both hormones and neurotransmitters. This hormone is made and released by your adrenal glands, which from my understanding are hat-shaped glands that are situated right above each kidney. As a neurotransmitter, this chemical messenger helps the interconnection of nerve signals from nerve endings to other nerve cell, including muscle cell, therefore, both a hormone and a neurotransmitter, thus, you can protect your backside from a rottweiler.

So, the question is, what triggers the adrenal glands to produce these two hormones when it is needed?

The hormone production by the adrenal glands is controlled by the pituitary gland and incidentally, the pituitary is a pea-sized gland at the base of the human brain that is also known as the "master gland" because of the health spectrum it provides for the entire body. Do you see the connection?

When you come to in the morning or wake up and you begin your exercise routine or you are managing a stressful occasion, your pituitary gland responds. It stirs up the adrenal glands to produce the appropriate quantity of adrenaline and cortisol.

But what happens when you go for the better of a day without eating, on an empty tank? Anytime we go for an extended period without eating, our blood glucose or blood sugar levels will naturally decrease. As a result, it will trigger the release of stress hormones, adrenaline, and cortisol. In a sense, epinephrine and cortisol are circling the wagons as if it were for your protection.

However, these stress hormones only temporarily protect us from instant injury of low blood glucose incidents. But do you give thought of how you feel to be low on blood glucose?

This accounts for the reaction or response of shakiness, overwhelming anxiety, confusion, altered mood, fatigue, even visual changes, hmm I will have to give thought to that, and not to mention an irregular heartbeat or palpitations. And of course, sleeplessness.

This decreased blood glucose levels can precipitate mental and emotional symptoms, hence, mental instability. It feels like a low hum of too many worries, it is an inner unsettling with scattered thoughts, unable to concentrate no matter how hard you try.

Blood glucose measurements are often captured first thing in the morning, especially after an 8+ hour fast. My guest says that at any time during the day, symptoms of hypoglycemia will present the foregoing issues when our blood glucose level decreases below 70mg/dL. This stress hormone release is usually triggered once the blood glucose level falls below 55mg/dL

So, without enough supply of energy that comes from glucose, we subject the human brain to experience emotional and physical instability.

We need to ask ourselves, how can we Maintain Healthy Blood Sugar levels?

This is where the pancreas steps in to provide the necessary insulin to regulate the body’s blood sugar, and this amazing organ is situated and cozied below our liver.

Obviously, the foods we ingest, our body breaks down, removing energy to power our body’s organs. We get a major part of our glucose from carbohydrates found in fruits, vegetables, grains, and dairy products. And if we do not receive enough natural glucose because of the lack of proper food, adrenaline, and cortisol kicks in, and if prolonged it will affect our emotional and physical state, not a good place to be.

Here are some tips to help regulate our blood sugar:

Movement: like everything else, keep it moderate - Super strenuous exercise is not going to help because medical research found it releases stress hormones that will increase your blood sugar temporarily. I am sure many of us like this first suggestion.

Diet: If you do not want to shock your system and have it work overtime to balance your system, The key is to keep your blood sugar stable by keeping the intake of white breads and white sugar to a minimum and stay away from highly processed foods. Endeavor to ingest food of the highest quality.

When we think of having the highest quality of food, I am reminded of going to a high-end restaurant several years ago. As I finished ordering the main dish, the waiter asked what kind of starch I wanted with the main dish. The point is, starch converts into blood sugar, and I must say that evening was tarnished by his comment, or he did me a service, it is the latter.

Manage stress: look for regular activities to manage the stress in your life, such as community service. Take five minutes in the morning, noon, and in the evening to meditate on the things you are grateful for. Also, soothing music will have a positive effect at placating the nervous system.

Before I wear out my welcome, allow me to conclude and say that "your health is your wealth, take care of it."

What Is Functional Medicine?

One chilly morning if you get into your vehicle, and it will not start, what would you do? Would you ignore it and start using a taxi or public transportation from now on? You could do that, however, ever tried taking a loved one to urgent care unexpectedly using public transit?

Obviously, the practical approach would be to know the reasons why a car often struggles when the weather drops in temperature and there are a few reasons for which I will spare you. Similarly, when we have a health issue, we do not want to ignore or just be expeditious and simply take a pain killer. You want to find the underlying cause of it and ask yourself why I am feeling so puny.

In this week's show, a physician spoke of diagnosing the root of the problem even when our lab work shows normal, and the integrated approach or the consideration of the entire person would be the reasonable and practical thing to do, hence, functional medicine.

How is conventional medicine and functional medicine differentiated?

Conventional medicine recognizes the symptoms you are experiencing and utilizes the same symptoms to identify your health issue and develop a modality treatment. This protocol often means finding the appropriate pharmaceuticals that will mitigate the symptoms, and once you cease taking the medicine the problem reappears, it is only a masking or a bandage.

However, functional medicine focuses on finding the root cause of the symptoms, of which case, the symptoms function as clues for your doctor to establish the underlying issues that are causing the symptoms and appropriately address the bases or root of the health concern.

Unfortunately, modern health care has become so specialized that you need a referral for every concern, explaining why the holistic procedure has fallen to the wayside, leaving you scratching your head for answers from your primary physician. Does this resonate with you?

Functional medicine is a biological system that is based on focusing on putting your finger on the root cause allowing you to isolate the infirmity. There could be several symptoms contributing to a person's illness, much like why your vehicle will not operate as it should. The final diagnosis can be the result of more than one cause. For instance, chronic depression, which is defined as longer than two weeks, clinical depression, can be caused by several varied factors.

There could be a personal genetic makeup or component, it could be our environment, and our lifestyle choices that may be the root of the issue and targeting the crux of the matter is going to be the solution. So, how do I find a physician that practices functional medicine?

I would suggest you research the Institute for Functional Medicine which happens to be the largest referral network in holistic medicine found at www.ifm.org.

Having a wide-focused functional medicine professional on your side is a great advantage to your chronic health concerns, as you will not be treated as a few physical manifestations or symptoms. As a substitute, you will be evaluated and treated as a whole individual with complicated issues that are all interconnected, thus addressing the root of the matter in question.

Of course, I am not advocating to disregard traditional medicine altogether, for there is a place for it as well, however, what I am advocating is for you to take control of your health care by means of personal research and draw a reasonable conclusion of what is best in your case.

It is amazing how making just one decision can change everything. However, is it not true that not deciding is a decision all in itself?

We are making decisions every day, small, big, and insignificant decisions, but they are changing our lives for the better, hopefully.

There are so many lives altering life making decisions, such as a job change, relocating, should I buy or sell my home, building relationships, health care for my elderly loved ones in a full-time facility, retirement and many more. Why not our health? My philosophy has been, "if I do not take care of myself, how can I expect to take care of those I am responsible for?" And for many of us, there is a much greater picture of community service.

It is interesting that in etymology, the word (decision) has a Latin root that illustrates literally (cutting off a twig or branch of a tree). The implication is final and definitive, you cannot reverse the action taken, it is not perfunctory, or halfhearted in the decision-making process.

It is a matter of stretching the envelope even when everything inside of you is screaming not to change your comfort zone, but let your reasonableness, your logical mind override those feelings that come from wanting to make a new change.

Two years ago, a clinical therapist described making recent changes to a captain of a ship, the captain being you, and the crew of the ship, your emotional state, which is helping the captain navigate the tumultuous waters of life. Sometimes, for the sake of lessening the shouting and screaming, your emotions, the captain will acquiesce or give in to the crew, our emotions. But you must ask yourself, who is the captain? Who is primarily responsible for the ship or your health?

I know it takes a lot of courage or visceral fortitude to let go of the familiar and secure way of doing things, but there is no real security in what is no longer meaningful when it is not making a difference in our health.

My words are not to castigate anyone, but to encourage all to decide to take full control of their entire persona, which includes our health.

Your Family History

How much do you know of your family tree or genealogy whether from your paternal or maternal side? Many are interested in this subject, prompting the inception of certain websites like Ancestry.com and FamilySearch.org or, at the minimum, interviewing older family members. Every household therein contains a unique family history, and it explains why many decide to write their personal memoir, meaning memories.

In this week's episode, the curator of the Saint Charles County Mo. Museum spoke of Boone’s historical home and his trail blazing accomplishments as a frontiersman, and to this day, there are descendants with the same last name, Boone.

Statistics have shown that ⅓ adults used the Internet to research more about their family genealogy.

67% indicated that learning of their family tree has made them feel sagacious or wiser as an individual.

72% also indicated it helped them to draw closer to older family members.

And 52% serendipitously discovered unknown ancestors they never knew they had.

Now, there is a difference between knowing and reducing what you know to writing, and I think authoring your story is of most benefit in terms of feeling emotionally stable and anchored down.

Psychological research has shown that writing about our subjective experiences will ameliorate mood disorders, help mitigate symptoms with those suffering from cancer, improve an individual's health after a heart attack, improve memory capacity, and you will find yourself going to the doctor much less.

You can liken it to an iceberg, where only 10 percent is above the water level, your conscious, and 90 percent is below the water, your subconscious. So, it is a matter of drawing up your emotionally hidden concerns.

It boils down to the process of sitting down and writing your subjective experiences, personal concerns or even your grievances, and if you proceed to flush it, this actionable step will bring you a sense of closure enabling you to move forward, it is cathartic. And this is the motivating factor for many to write their family story.

I am not here to advocate for you to write your family genealogy or to discourage you from doing so, I have my own personal thoughts about this of which I will share at the end of this blog.

About a year ago, we featured an episode by a genealogist from the state of Utah, who gave us many avenues of researching our ancestors of which she shared her personal journey, and it may be a jumping point for you if you want to go down that rabbit hole.

Speaking of history, allow me to interject, have you ever wondered what constitutes a historical landmark? Did you know it takes for the property to be at least 50 years old and for a significant event or personal contribution to have taken place there?

Here in California, it is referred to as the Mills Act Program, enacted in 1972.

This is an Economic incentive to encourage revitalization of a historical home and the restoration and preservation of downtown commercial property. How do I know this?

I have a sister that owns a commercial building downtown that qualifies as a historical landmark and the local municipality provides incentives for the owner to maintain the structure in its original architectural design by minimizing property taxes, allowing tax funds to be utilized for the owner to maintain the building in its original condition.

No question, the Mills Act also benefits local government, allowing governments to institute preservation programs to accommodate merchants and the rest of the community by encouraging and promoting heritage tourism which fosters pride of ownership, it creates cultural tourism, it builds civic pride, an economic boost for the entire community.

History is an interesting thing to me, it tells us where we have been, and it also tells us where we are going as a society. However, what I find so disconcerting is that what we have learned from history, is that we have not learned from history. But that is another discussion for another time.

Genealogically speaking, however, my paternal side of the family are from Northern Italy, specifically in the region of Genoa and Verona.

The story goes that my granddad immigrated to Mexico around the turn of the 20th century and did his best to assimilate into the culture even to the extent of changing his last name to Diaz, to ingratiate himself with the existing government, the president being Porfirio Diaz at the time. Unless he was safer to change it because he was a horse thief! Who knows?

However, his given last name was Muccio before he changed it to Diaz, therefore, here I am, first generation in this country. I can say that on my birth certificate my first name is Italian of which it has been modified over the years to Benny, Benjamin and just Ben, and of course, they call me other names of which I will not expand on now.

It appears that the family propensity to grow wine grapes originated from Northern Italy by way of what I just described, for that was my dad's way of life while I was growing up, and unbelievably, I even stomped on wine grapes in the old traditional way, my bear feet.

Of course, I do not do that anymore, I just enjoy savoring a good bottle of wine, particularly Merlot, please put that in your memory file.

What I have revealed to you about my family tree has only been passed down by relatives, not by genealogical research whatsoever. Here are my concluding thoughts on the topic, that if we go back far enough in history, and if you believe in a creator, we are all inextricably related as a human family. "Let's not make life difficult for ourselves!"

Learning To Improvise

Have you ever been sitting in your home in the evening and suddenly you experience a power outage? No doubt, as you sit there in darkness, you remember the layout of your home interior, how to get from one side of your home to the other. However, there is a disorder referred to as (Nonverbal Learning Disability) that if you were encumbered by it, you would have no idea how to navigate yourself in a darkened home.

In this week's episode, a fellow from Manhattan NY, joined me to discuss and educate my listenership of his rare disorder that makes it impossible for him to estimate time, in other words, how long it takes to get from one place to another and the scenario I presented at the outset happened to him, lost in darkness, in his own home of many years. He gets lost everywhere and he also finds it impossible to interpret facial expressions, a rare disorder indeed. But in the other hand, he is a brilliant man that holds a PHD and is self-employed as a statistician and is an author wherein he describes his disability.

I found him to be fascinating in that he learned to cope and work around this disorder. I asked him directly, "would it be fair to conclude that you learned to improvise?" He emphatically said "yes."

And in this blog, I want to speak about having the ability or should I say the desire to improvise when confronted with a personal challenge. What is your inclination? To throw your hands up in defeat or do you find the grit and the strength of mind to improvise?

Improvisation is obvious in many living creatures. Consider a bear, instead of foraging which takes time and effort, how does he improvise? He makes a beeline to the nearest dumpster!

You will see animals adapted to behavior both in water and on ground that enables them to survive instinctively by learning to improvise, the examples are too numerous to mention. However, the human condition is based on the ability to reason, much more superlative than those of animals, creativity will be what you make it.

The studies of resilience have shown improvisation is rooted in being able to (cope) effectively with whatever your challenge may be. There are many things that life will throw at you that we do not have any control let alone given the opportunity to decide about it, much like my guest, he did not have an alternative, he accepted his learning disorder, so he worked around it.

I once heard that if the entire world came together in a circle to exchange our challenges in life, we would walk away with our own personal challenge. So, what do you do? You cope and make the best of it!

Have you ever made a mistake in trying to accomplish a task? Did you laugh at yourself about it? If you did, it tells me a lot about you.

The study of resilience has been demonstrated to be rooted in humor. Being able to laugh, especially at yourself, opens the gateway to developing innovative ideas for improvisation.

We have come to understand that laughter has been shown to improve our emotional and physical pain threshold, due to the secretion of endorphin-mediated opiate effect. What is interesting to me is that this is independent of our disposition, meaning that it can have a significant effect even when we are depressed. If you currently have a doctor that enjoys levity or humor when communicating with you and you cannot help but smile, you have an intuitive doctor. He knows the physical benefits of humor.

While in the process of laughter, your abdominal muscles relax during this insignificant activity, however, medical studies have unequivocally shown us that your vascular functioning improves, yes, more oxygen to the brain, inducing mental clarity for improvisational brain storming. Additionally, your cardiac health improves which augments your heart rate and mitigates your blood pressure, thus, less hypertension setting you up for creativity.

Have you heard of the expression "lean on me?" Do you remember the song "lean on me" in the year 1972 by Bill Withers?

It brings back memories of the friends I surrounded myself with and this song highlighted the point that we were there for each other. The camaraderie, the availability of asking for support or consultation for resolving personal concerns or ideas enabling improvisation.

Today, more than ever in human history we must lean on each other for support. The level of stress is unprecedented and thinking of others and supporting others is incredibly powerful. The verdict is in, there are countless studies that have indicated that assisting others is inextricably linked with positive mental health for (you) the “giver” of kindness to those in need. These great positive benefits to the giver and recipient are obvious to both genders, no matter the age. Recent research has extrapolated that kindness, supporting one another, and collaborating will as a result, you will enjoy measurable health. It helps to lessen the negative effects of emotional stress that is conducive to our well-being, it will help us to forge ahead regardless of personal challenges in life. In other words, by helping others during times of distress, we are helping ourselves! Hmm, sounds like I have said this before.

This would explain the existence of so many nonprofit or charitable organizations, there is no question about it, many have serendipitously stumbled into the benefits of giving of which is the largest gateway of improvisation.

I will wrap it up with what Pablo Picasso was known to have said.

"The meaning of life is to find your gift, and the purpose of life is to give it away."

So-Called Retirement

It was in 1889, a German government official, Otto von Bismarck who conceived the concept of retirement, which began the idea for those that were no longer able to work due to disability or health issues, thus, the concept was adopted by the rest of society. From an etymologically standpoint, the word retirement derives from the French lexicon in the 16th century. The term comes from a military sense that carries the idea to (withdraw to a place of security or isolation).

In this week's segment of the show, a retired former diplomat shared his thoughts of retirement in terms of transitioning into another life activity for the sake of physical and emotional longevity.

I always find it interesting to look at other cultures that by all evidence are doing something that benefits them in the long term, and an obvious culture are the folks that live in Okinawa located in the East China Sea.

A centenarian study found both genders in Okinawa have a life span average of seven years longer than their western counterpart, and addition to that, they enjoy the longest disability-free life anywhere in the world.

With the risk of becoming redundant, allow me to say that it begins with their dietary custom where the Okinawans enjoy their food from smaller plates, they stop and desist from eating when they are 80% full. And they have a wonderful cultural arrangement wherein they are very communal by associating with those of the same age to slowly grow old together according to researchers from National Geographic.

In this country when we think in terms of retirement, we immediately think of green golf courses, traveling and the proverbial rocking chair, do you know what Okinyans call retirement? Surprisingly, they do not have a word for it, they have an entirely unique perspective of life, in fact, they do not even have a word that remotely describes the concept of retirement.

As an alternative, this healthy society in this part of the world has a philosophy referred to as (ikigai) pronounce like (icky guy), meaning to “the reason you wake up in the morning,” it is what motivates you every day.

To circle around to their dietary custom compared to the western hemisphere, did you know that when the fast-food hamburger was introduced in the 1950s, it was no bigger than the (happy meal)? We are eating too much, and it is reflected in our lack of longevity and the quality of life due to health-related issues. Hence, the quality of retirement is diminishing, however, as an eternal optimist, I must say that our dietary habits can be turned around.

So, my question to you, "what gets you up in the morning?"

As I asked this question, it triggered thoughts of my dad, and to what got him up in the morning. Without question it was his work ethic as farmer and rancher. My dad passed away in his mid-80s, and at the time he was managing close to 2000 acres of farmland and in addition to that, he was managing close to 900 head of cattle. The reason for me to speak of my dad is not to venerate him but to emphasize the point that we can remain active well into so-called retirement.

My guest, also in his mid-80s, spoke of the problem of identity loss that many retirees experience which is conducive to losing the luster of life that brings on depression and curtails longevity.

Having said that, what is the answer?

The answer is found in what interests you or what you consider a priority and a boredom buster. Many will attest to the fact that even the best retirement hobbies can get old and boring. To avoid becoming a pool of water that is mirky and stagnant, keep your mind active and engaged with a social calendar that will encourage you to stay active with an element of diversity.

If there were ever a time for you to experience and explore the world, what better time than your retirement years? Whatever your profession, you could incorporate those years of skills in helping those in disaster areas or volunteer work in your local community. There is nothing like it, when you give of yourself to others, there is nobility in doing so.

I know some that have taken up bird watching, cooking, travel, and gardening to mention a few activities. Of course, there is nothing wrong with those types of activities, however, research indicates that 95 percent of retirees prefer memorable experiences with others over spending money on hobbies, we are gregarious creatures. When considering the social environment today, it is so polarized to say the least and so divided, and there is a desperate need for mentors to help families and individuals to apply the principles that have served you well over the years.

People come and go, however, memories are long lasting and are generational, so be available to visit with family members and it will not hurt to babysit the grandkids at any opportunity you get, you will be building a legacy.

Evidence clearly shows that assisting others contributes to our own cognitive health and our physical well-being. For instance, it mitigates stress which reflects itself in your improved mood, in self-regard or esteem and joy in life despite world conditions. In short, helping others is helping yourself and there is a plethora of so many things we can do to help others as part of our way of life. The best and the simpler things in life are free and are the most rewarding!!!

The Age of Innocence

As the four-year-old little girl walked into the delivery room where her mom held her newborn, she quickly exclaimed, "mommy! Where did you buy it? If this is not pure innocence, I do not know what it is.

In this week's episode, a pediatrician spoke to the fact that we as parents, we have the inherited obligation to nurture and teach our children to grow up responsibly, especially, in the age of Columbine.

On April 20, 1999, at Columbine High School in Littleton, Colorado, two teenagers walked onto the grounds of their high school before noon. Both dressed in trench coats, proceeded to shoot fellow peers outside Columbine High School, located just south of Denver. The two teenagers subsequently entered the school building, where they mercilessly gunned down many of their fellow students in the library. By a span of approximately eight minutes both had taken the lives of a dozen   students and a student instructor, and physically and emotionally wounded more than 20 others. Shortly thereafter the two teens committed suicide.

The introspective question is, what happened to these two teens during the interim of the age of four and their teenage years?

There are obvious clues, to mention one, it was reported that one student was asked by one of the gun towing teens if she believed in God. When she said, “Yes,” she lost her life.

As I have mentioned in the past, I grew up on a farm where it took efforts to grow grapes, efforts to raise livestock, and it also takes effort to rear children by means of nurturing, and by teaching them a sense of humanity.

Of course, sometimes parents can do their best in rearing children, but the matter of the fact is, the efforts of parents is not unilateral, the child needs to cooperate with the instruction given, it is a bilateral relationship.

I often hear that parents should love their children unconditionally, is this so? Does this mean that there is no consequence in human behavior?

The sooner a child understands that there are repercussions to their behavior, they will develop a sense of responsibility for their personal actions. Simply put, we love the child, but not their unruly behavior.

Unfortunately, once a person becomes a parent, the role does not automatically come with a manual. However, there are definite sources to learn how to rear children, and it is up to the new parent to invest time and their resources to do the best they can.

Children are not dense; they are always observing their parents by way of their example. So, it behooves parents to apply the principles they would want their children to implement. In fact, I would say 90% in how a parent carries themselves will positively or negatively affect a child, hence, chip off the old block.

They say that a snowflake is unlike any other snowflake. This is also true with all humans down to the molecular level. Thus, no child is the same, which requires a different approach in nurturing.

Set reasonable goals based on the abilities of your child and personal interests with the proven principles that will serve him or her well through life.

We have mentioned that there is no human alike, not even in identical twins, there are always different measurable subtleties. So, never ever compare your child with another, but in the contrary, always validate their accomplishments and their personal feelings on what matters to them, listen to their feelings and not so much their words.

Help your child to appreciate that there will be disappointments in life, help them deal with life's difficulties by mentioning your own disappointments and failures, unless you are a perfect human. LOL!

Teach them the principle of saying (sorry), teamwork, love, forgiveness, and considering the feelings of others called empathy.

Yet, there will be times we have to discipline, therefore, be conscious of what will be effective for that child. There is a difference between physical discipline and a beating, wait until you cool off, be fair, be constructive, do not tear them down emotionally, be consistent, it is a form of teaching. Make sure to show your approval for their positive behavior and assist them to appreciate that we all learn from our mistakes.

As a parent, let your yes, mean yes, and your no mean no unequivocally.

The principle of trust is foundational for the child to grow up with confidence, otherwise it is an uphill battle for the child in solidifying relationships and as parents, we cannot afford that, always mean what you say.

The phrase, (good things come to those who wait). This is a truism. Therefore, teach your child patience, which flies in the face of today's immediate gratification. Teach your kids patience which sets them up to be able to endure and are more likely to succeed in their endeavors.

Additionally, teaching a child responsibility starts early on. Do you recall when your capable baby dropped his bottle, he immediately looked up to you to pick it up?

Encourage your children to develop commitment, and that there is a cause and effect in all consequences in what we do, this is rudimentary to learning.

The bottom line, we as parents and our children, we are a work in progress. We will make mistakes, however, let me leave you with the following thought.

Have you heard the expression "I could kick myself for doing that?" Have you ever tried it? Physiologically impossible! It was never meant to be, so do not take it too hard when you make a mistake, instead, learn from it.

Your Body

The anatomy of a home is very much like the anatomy of the human body. Simply put, you have the foundation, our core beliefs, the wood framing, our skeletal structure, the exterior siding, and any desired facade that many building contractors refer to as gingerbread, our muscular structure.

Our physical well-being is foundational or correlated to our core beliefs that affects how we maintain our bone structure and our muscular construction. Therefore, we must ask ourselves whether our believes is addressing our anatomical health. Of course, I am not a health guru by any stretch, however, I have come to realize and appreciate that it is directly associated with quality of life.

In this week's episode, a physical therapist, creator of the Yass Method, advocates the need for muscular strength to support the skeletal framework, thus, minimizing potential injury.

What was so striking to me, was when he said that chronic pain was nonexistence before the 1980s because of the lifestyle of the internet, extrapolating this culture of sitting in front of a screen with lack of physical movement much to our detriment. To illustrate, I have seen where the foundation of a house will settle creating stress on one side of the home producing cracks because of structural imbalance. And the human body is like that, it can experience physical stress or imbalance manifesting itself in chronic pain when there is a lack of muscular strength.

I am reminded of a good friend who went to a chiropractor to address his chronic pain, however, after his treatment and on the way home his pain became even more acute. This immediately prompted him to turn around and go back to the chiropractor. Finally, after a few minutes, the chiropractor advised him to exercise, and after a few visits at a gym, his pain dissipated. Admittedly, it was due to weakness of the soft tissue or the muscle mass imbalance and not his bone structure.

So, the rhetorical question is, how do I know if I am physically fit enough to avert chronic pain that derives from soft tissue?

Some may quickly say that they are not in shape, but do not be too hasty about that. Here are some ways we can determine our physical prowess.

There is various way to quantify or measure our health levels regardless in how your muscles appear and how your clothes fit.

One indicator to determine our physical shape, are those that have a lower heart rate, and it will stay within a certain range of no more than a systolic rate of 140 and no more than a diastolic rate of 90.

Keeping pace with your peers is another good sign that you are doing physically great.

If you can walk or jog at a moderate pace, trail hike, climb stairs without getting winded, and your breathing is in control, you are in better shape than you may be crediting yourself.

The American Heart Association suggests that us adults engage in 30 minutes of moderate-intensity aerobic exercise at least 150 minutes five days per week. Personally, from a practical standpoint, if I am going to do vigorous exercise, I prefer to incorporate it into doing something productive around the house or outdoors, just kick it up doing the chores a few notches and you will be on point. Even if you are not vigorous, getting sufficient exercise each week will be effective in how you feel and look.

Have you known of individuals that have an abject fear of elevators?

As I have always said, there is always an upside to every downside, no pun intended. What I mean by that in this context, climbing stairs is exceedingly healthier than riding an elevator, and if it does not bother you climbing stairs, with or without this phobia, you are to be commended for your physical strength.

How is your sleeping pattern?

It only makes sense, if you are sleeping well or at least getting enough rest, more than likely you are in decent shape because it reflects your energy expenditure during the day.

Incidentally, if you can pick up a twenty-pound child without straining, this is also very telling of your good physical condition. The misconception is that we must be as physically fit as an athlete, this could not be further from the truth.

How is your state of mind or mental health?

Research has unequivocally proven that your state of mind is correlated to physical health. Physical exercise has demonstrated to ameliorate mental health by minimizing anxiety, depression, and a bad mood not to mention, dividends acquired in self-esteem and cognitive clarity.

To capsulize the premise of my guest’s treatment model, he says the following:

“Look at yourself, your family members, and your friends and see how many of them are being treated for pain using pain management. This practice is so out of control it has led to the need for state regulations to restrict its use. And if you think about it, the idea of managing pain seems bizarre and medieval. Medical care should focus on eliminating pain, not simply managing it. If pain is an indication that something

has gone wrong in the body, the goal should be to identify the tissue emitting the pain signal and resolve the distress of the tissue. This ends the need

for a pain signal and it ceases. Clearly the existing model doesn’t work.” By Dr. Mitchell Yass, creator of the Yass method.

In conclusion, my understanding as a layman, (most) chronic pain does not derive from our skeletal structure, but from soft tissues that needs to be strengthen by means of vigorous or moderate exercise, it is your choice, you cannot go wrong.