What is Holding You Back? Part Three

As we proceed on our personal journey, is it not true, we invariably come to a fork in the road of life? at these moments in life, it demands for us to be decisive.

Growing up, many young ones were not permitted to share their feelings and thoughts that affected the family, parents always had the last say, as it should be. However, children were excluded from these forums entirely, and in many cases has had a serious repercussion as adults in making major life decisions for themselves. Consequently, as grownups we have the tendency to depend on others as a proxy for making our big life decisions for us, and if no one is there, we become motionless, or in other words, we hold back.

This implies that there is a fear of responsibility, some adults do not want anyone to point their finger at them, blaming them for things going wrong. Undoubtably, fear and uncertainty will induce procrastination; Therefore, they tend to allow others to decide for them since we refuse to remove ourselves from our comfort zone.

What can help if we find ourselves at a critical crossroad?

Growing up on a farm, I remember that cows always chewed on the cud, and it was because they always had plenty of fodder in their stomach, and when a cow does this is called          ruminating. Similarly, if we are to “ruminate” about our life changing decision, our mind needs plenty of fodder or something to consider before we make up our mind.

There is a mix of things we must ponder or “meditate” about that is essential, so, ask yourself the following questions.

“Will my decision benefit others? Will this decision bring me contentment in life? Will this decision benefit me in the long-term?” I encourage you to examine these basic criteria in the order indicated, if so, it adds nobility and reaffirms your personal mettle. It is not one or two of these questions, but a blend of all these three inquiries that will assist you to make the right decision when you come to a fork in the road.

And now, if you would excuse me, I will leave you with the following thought to reflect.

“Indecision is the greatest thief of opportunity.” Emanuel Jim Rohn

What is Holding You Back? Part Two

Every waking moment we are making a plethora of decisions, what are we going to have for breakfast, lunch, supper, to what time we are going to bed, and it starts all over again the next day. However, in this post we are addressing the type of decision that we tend to hesitate or vacillate to make.

These are decision that carry more of a consequential effect, they are difficult and weighty to decide. Why is this the case?

Allow me to say respectfully, some of us are obsessed with "perfectionism" which will impact our decision making, therefore, we tend to leave things up in the air. As a result, these people are stuck on past decisions that did not go as planned and to make a mistake would be intolerable, thus, they are holding back. To have this perception is toxic and obviously not healthy whatsoever.

We must understand that we all have limitations that are innate to the human condition, such as this "imperfect" post of which I lack the words, time, and the psychoanalytical training, nonetheless, what I have to say is based on observation and anecdotal experience, so I "decided" to share.

  Another restraint in making decisions, some of us tend to be sycophants, wanting to please anyone and everyone, this is someone that cannot say no. Unfortunately, this is an individual that is living the lives of others, and he would feel "guilty" if he did not, so he is apprehensive in making his own life decisions and denies his own existence.

What I have found is this, if we have bouts of indecisions, it is largely because we need more research, advisement, inquiry and planning to be able to see the entire picture clearly, it is a matter of weighing the pros and cons to make an intelligible and appropriate decision. Can you see how this can mitigate the fear of making the wrong decision?

I find it interesting that the word decision derives from Latin of which it means "to cut off" much when you lob off a branch, it is definitive and final. But also keep in mind that indecision is a decision all onto itself, because there are ramifications for inaction, indecision is the father of failure.

  Reach deep inside and determine what you want to do based on your strong core values, for what you decide today, or not, will have an effect in thirty-days, in twelve months or for the rest of your life, it is up to you.

What is Holding You Back? Part One

There is a classroom of 5-year-old, and they are asks whether anyone in the class that knows how to draw. Immediately, there is an explosion of elation, they are all jumping up and down in their seats raising their hands. Now, the same children 20 years later, as adults, are asked the same question, and all you can hear are

crickets.

What has happened over the years?

We have become more reticent, more self-conscious, more judgmental about ourselves, thinking someone next to me is more talented than I am. This kind of self-consciousness is an unhealthy sense of self awareness. Of course, a certain degree of self-consciousness is needed to be able to conform with social norms. Nonetheless, some of us have become excessively preoccupied with oneself, especially with how others may perceive us. This view is often associated with an unpleasant feeling that is conducive to the lack of self-esteem and in some cases paranoia, thus, we hold back.

What is the difference of self-conscious and self-awareness?

Self-conscious can be likened to being on a public stage and not having a clue of what you are going to say, everyone is looking at me, can you imagine the overdose of adrenaline? An individual who possesses a healthy self-awareness has a good sense of personal judgement, can discern the reasons for his apprehension and behavior, it is about being mindful.

The key is not to lock your mind into the moment, but to express how you feel in a manner that appeals for the understanding of others.

Using the scenario above, can we find the wherewithal to say? "I am sure there are others in this classroom that are more artistic than I am, however, I feel good about my personal artistic acumen."

This statement suggests there is a sense of pride in one's accomplishment, in fact, at the end of the day, which is only what matters.

There is much to be learned from children, when we consider their uninhibited manner of expression, their honesty, speaking up without restraint.

With your permission, I will be sharing some additional reasons why we tend to hold back from our accomplishments in the ensuing weeks.

How to Form a Habit Part Ten

Much like the abdominal muscles, back muscles and the muscle around the pelvis is the core strength of the body, likewise, the four components that we need is the core strength of forming a good habit. Thus far, we have discussed the "reminder, motivation and the response," the fourth element is the "reward" that is derived from the initial three components.

These four elements are a neurological process that can be summed up as the "if, then" that we have been discussing. The "if," contains the (reminder and the motivation), and the "then," contains the (response and the reward).

 To illustrate, let us say you are experiencing a slight physical discomfort such as pain, this would be the reminder and the motivator to visit your primary doctor, this is the (if). After consulting your doctor, he proceeds to prescribes exactly what you need, which is the (then), this is the response and the reward. We are all going through this continuous loop in our daily behavior, whether we are aware of it or not.

However, the key is awareness of the reward from the very beginning of this endless loop. The reward is involved from the foresight of our actions or behavior from the inception of once we remind ourselves. There is an awareness, this is the foresight of the reward that will be derived from visiting your doctor, and it is the satisfaction of pain relief, your reward.

Similarly, I have known individuals that did not remind themselves to visit their doctor when they suspected they needed to go, it was not strong enough, and unfortunately, it resulted into an irreversible physical condition much to their detriment. The awareness was present, yet fleeting, however, the importance was ignored enough to make the difference by pivoting to motivation, response and finally the reward, good health.

 I must say that the human behavior never ceases to amaze me, we are all driven by varied factors whether positive of negative. For example, this individual that refused to perceive the importance of visiting his doctor, not sure whether it was fear of confirming his suspicion or another factor. The point is, the importance was not what drove him, and when we speak of importance, the element of the reward is implied, for rewards provide benefits at every turn.

  These four phases of behavior are not occasional but are constantly repeating themselves every moment we are alive, even as you are reading this post. Of course, some actions we perform require a little more thought than other activity, nonetheless, the endless loop is assiduous. The brain is an amazing organ, it is always scanning intrinsically and extrinsically for rewards, and this is occurring in a split moment.

Once we become adults, we are hardly aware how habits run our daily live. The rhetorical question is, what habit is important to you enough to put into practice?

How to Form a Habit Part Nine

When you combine the two components of chemicals hydrogen and oxygen, the result is water of which is of great benefit. But then you have iron when exposed to moisture, this creates rust, of which is not so beneficial. Similarly, it is a matter of the right combination of choices and most importantly the commitment we make to "respond" two the initial components, hence, a good habit is created.

As we have been discussing, the two elements we must have, is the reminder and motivation (if, then) that interacts with the third element. these are the rudiments or the groundwork of forming a good habit or an otherwise not so desired habit.

this is the third component, it is the "conscious response" that derives from the initial two elements. Our cognitive response is the actual forming of our routine or pattern of the habitual behavior that we want. This behavior can reflect itself in the form of a conscious thought or action. It is hinged on the first two elements, "reminder" and the second element, how strong our motivation that determines whether a response occurs or not. If our conscious response requires more mental or physical effort than we are willing to expend, it will not work for us. Having said that, we are assuming that you have the ability and capability to follow through, thus, we want to be realistic and not idealistic in what we are able to do.

In other words, many of us aspire to become something that is out of reason or unworkable for us, therefore, because of our limitations we want to be reasonable of whatever we want to accomplish.

It is remarkably interesting to me how different and varied many of us are mentally wired, however, the main thing is start implementing behavior patterns that will benefit you in your personal and business life.

There is a stark difference between response and a reaction. A response is driven by an awareness or conscious reply, where a reaction is more of an unconscious reply. Often case, a reaction is defensive and manifested without any thought, it is instantaneous. A reaction is based on our believes and personal biases of our unconscious mind.

For example, many of us are guilty in reacting to what is said in communicating with others instead of giving a thoughtful and conscious reply. Can you see that a response and reaction may look the same but feel different?

  A few years ago, while sitting in a parking lot, a man approached my vehicle and knocked on my window. He proceeded to ask me for some monetary assistance, and my first reaction was to dismiss him as soon as possible, however, if I had given it a conscious response, I would have asked what I might do for him instead of just giving him a few dollars.

 A reaction is a knee jerk reaction a response is a mindful answer. So, the whole point, be aware of the reminder, motivation and your response which will lead to the fourth and final component that we will explore in the next post, hence, developing a desired routine or habit.

How to Form a Habit Part Eight

Is it not true, for the growth of vegetation, you need the sun, water, and fertile soil for the outcome to occur? This is a natural process called a cycle and implementing a desired habit can be just as natural. To encourage a desired habit, you need the right setting or situation of which we have been discussing, the (if, then" concept.

The "if," is the first awareness of the right situation. When writing this post, we were experiencing a rainstorm, and "if" I were more aware of it, I would have "then" initially saved this post before we lost power, and this post.

A reminder or "if" is what triggers a certain behavior that will lends itself to an ultimate reward. Our mind is always scanning internally and externally for opportunities or to guard from hazardous situations, therefore, we need to heighten our awareness, and I am no exception.

 So, what is the second element to form a desired habit? Motivation!

In the preceding post, I mentioned that before I leave my office, I would do a few pushups against my office chairs, however, I need that reminder or awareness, of which motivation follows. These two elements, reminder and motivation are created by your objective which is your ultimate reward. In my case, good health.

Speaking of which, we all have different objectives in life that we want to accomplish, so it is a matter of putting these elements in place, much like a natural cycle as indicated in the outset called photosynthesis for plants to grow and flourish. Every day, "if" we are thirsty, we "then" are motivated to drink water and "if" we are hungry, "then” we are motivated to ingest healthy nourishment, what is your objective? Good health!

 Our nervous system also needs the right nourishment to be able to thrive, thus, accomplishing your objectives. Not one of us were born to fail.

If you have notice, I have been focusing on exercise, which in my view should be on top of your list. For us to be productive in all things we consider important to us. Without mental and physical health, how can we be of any good to those we love? It is imperative!

Incidentally, the word "if" is 50% of the word "life," and the other 50% is "then" which is motivation, it is that important, to be able to implement a healthy desired habit.

 It is not the actual turning on the television or the radio, but it is the entertainment that you derived from it, that is your motivation or desire. I must say, the motivation from one person to another varies, hence, what is your motivation?

Also, I had indicated in the preceding post, I do not have a sweet tooth, so the aroma of a bakery would not be my motivation for a pastry, but in practice it would be, for another person. Our ideas, feelings, and emotions of what we observe is the actual trigger, and it is what transform the reminder into a motivation or desire.

Thus far, these are the initial two elements that establishes the groundwork for consistent good behavior, and there are two more of which we will discuss in the next post.

How to Form a Habit Part Seven

While growing up, I would hear the expression, tie a string around your finger. I never saw anyone do this, but it was a "reminder" not to forget to do something important.

I have no idea where this phrase came from, but it was used especially during the mid-twentieth century. Of course, like many other things, it has fallen to the wayside. It was a "reminder or a "notification of consequence.

Today, we have many more ways to remember important things, even on our iPhone comes with an icon called "reminder." Push comes to shove, we also have note stickers we can put on our bathroom mirror or on the refrigerator door.

Where am I headed with this?

Apart from inducing the perfect cocktail of brain chemicals that we have been discussing to this point, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin, and endorphins. Reminders or notifications is the groundwork of adopting desired habit or not so desired habits as I will explain.

Sociological research suggests that when a person adopts the "if, then" concept, that individual would be more likely to instill a desired habit by means of association. For example, "if" I am going to leave my home office for a few minutes, a reminder, I "then" will do at least ten pushups against one of my office chairs. I know one person, that when he goes to lower his water level, a reminder, he does at least five pushups against the bathroom sink before he leaves. Over the course of a day, he may be doing seventy pushups, and if he wants to increase his exercise, he just drinks more water. Do you see how it works?

The caveat? This can also instill not so desired habits. For instance, while walking down a city street and the aroma of a bakery hits your olfactory sense, what does it remind you of? It reminds you of your favorite pastry!

 Fortunately, I do not have a sweet tooth, otherwise, I would be in deep trouble with my sugar level.

If you will allow me to be a little cathartic, I just lost a good friend in death a few days ago. He was physically, a powerful man who trained with the best such as those that coached Arnold Schwarzenegger. During his high school years, whether he knew it or not, he practiced the concept of "if, then" and he was loved and appreciated for it.

 Every time, "if" he would see a bully picking on the vulnerable, he "then" would intervene to protect that person, thus, he was love and appreciated by many, that was his reward of which we will discuss later.

Incidentally, he was dubbed as the "bully buster" through is life. He was not only a big powerful man, but his heart was much bigger. What a legacy!

 Every one of us have choices during life that can make a profound difference in our personal and business career. This trigger is first the reminder or "if," which is only one of the elements that we will be exploring. Before I finish this post, let me say, it is not so much the choices we make in life, but it is your personal “commitment.”

How to Form a Habit Part Six

The poppy plant has been grown in the Mediterranean region for thousands of years. This is where opium, morphine, codeine, and heroin are extracted from.

Did you know that endorphins are like these related opiates?

 Endorphins stimulate the sensation of pleasure, a sense of feeling healthy, it is a feel-good hormone secreted from neurotransmitters.

  I read that some of the wounded Vietnam soldiers would not take any pain relief such as morphine for the purpose of stimulating the natural pain killer, endorphins, thus they would recover much sooner. Gratefully, we have diverse ways of inducing endorphins to generate opiate-like effects to mitigate pain and stress.

Have you heard of runners that attest of experiencing "the runners high?"

Fortunately, we do not have to strain ourselves vigorously for endorphins to kick in and reap the benefit. I encourage you, take an exercise class, go for a bike ride, play tennis, finds ways to move more frequently. Finding ways to be industrious at the same time is a good motivator as well, such as doing gardening, washing your vehicle, or not waiting for Spring to do vigorous house cleaning.

Another thing we can do that is less physically demanding is eating peppers. the hotter they are, if you can manage it, the more endorphins will be released. Science has discovered that peppers contain a chemical called capsaicin, which encourages the pain-relieving, feel-good effect in response to this hot sensation. Remember, the objective of the soldiers in Vietnam.

I tend to enjoy a glass of wine at the end of a busy day, this too, will also induce endorphins. Both white and red wine contain antioxidants, and red wine contains resveratrol, which science has shown to mitigate inflammation, a culprit of many ailments. Red wine also can slow down the aging process, and safeguard against arterial atrophy.

It is no wonder the Holy Writings indicate that "wine that makes man’s heart rejoice. Ps. 104:15.

However, be cognizant of drinking only in moderation, for this can be an issue much like opiates can become habit forming.

We have been discussing the four basic brain chemicals that are highly salubrious to be able to form lifelong desired habits. Of course, these are dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and finally endorphins. And if you have notice these are interconnected, so, if you concentrate in inducing just one of these, you will positively affect your neurotransmitters, you will also be secreting these four chemicals.

  For example, laughter will stimulate all four chemicals, and it does feel good to have a good belly laugh. Do not inhibit the child within us, but continue to play with your children, with your friends in a lighthearted way, or even your dog. Unequivocally, you will experience stress reduction, and considering current events, this will improve your immune system.

How to Form A Habit Part Five

We all have an elephant in the room that can be trained. The pachyderm is your brain which is big and powerful, yet trainable by adopting new ways of thinking.

We have seen where a mere human can control such a huge animal very easily, providing the pachyderm remains calm and amenable to instruction.

Have you found music can calm the nervous system?

Of course, there different genres of music, so, listen to the kind of music that has ap positive or calming effect on your mood, concentration, and motivation. Undoubtedly, it can create societal connections that induce oxytocin, the much-needed bonding hormone, much like the warm love between mother and child.

Research has shown hospital patients who were convalescing and listening to music indicated higher levels of oxytocin than those that did not, thus, were relaxed and recovery was much faster.

Also, the stimulating of your back muscles by means of a massage also had the tendency to increase the human connection and it was noted that it was reciprocated to the one giving the massage as well. The Greeks had a word for this human bonding feeling, they called agape. meaning principle love.

After a massage, it is often said that they experience less chronic pain, less tension and diminished anxiety. Not to mention an improved mood and sense of well-being. And I can attest to that personally.

When is the last time you told someone, you have been "thinking about them?"

 Why not put this into practice, you may be pleasantly surprised how others will appreciate it and will mutually share their feelings in reply, a sense of friendship. Can you see how this can help increase oxytocin in a such straightforward way?

Occasionally, some of the guys and myself have lunch together, it does not only lend itself for an enjoyable time, but also, there is a feeling of social support and loneliness is kept at bay. Especially, since we were sequestered for such a long time, do you see how oxytocin is the foundation of habit forming?

Additionally, there something special about breaking bread together, it is seen in all creation, it is a communal activity that cannot be overly emphasized, for it also promotes the quality of agape.

   These occasions are conducive to strengthening and augmenting feelings of kinship, confidence, and most importantly empathy. Empathy can simply be shown by genuinely listening to what the other has to say about their concerns. I have said in the past that words are cheap, however, when you listen carefully by eye contact and intently listening, this interaction produces oxytocin.

There is no question that there is an inextricable tether because of the human responsibility that we owe each other, otherwise, society will continue to be fractured as we see it today, we need the human touch more than ever.

Be looking for the next discussion on the hormone, endorphins.

How to Form a Habit Part Four

Previously I have used the metaphor of the brain to be the hardware and the software is what we have uploaded by what we have seen, heard, read and any experience along the way. Thus, we are the sum of every moment of our experiences. However, we must admit, during life, this programming came with some software viruses that need to be purged.

How can we figuratively do that?

By incorporating new brain patterns called behaviors or habits we can detect, and prevent personal harmful deportment, yes, by installing brain antivirus security.

You begin by providing the human brain the foundation to function as it was meant to be, by strengthening our neurotransmitters. This is done by four basic brain chemicals, dopamine, serotonin oxytocin and endorphins.

Forgive me, but more must be said about dopamine, and let me describe it in this way. Have you ever heard a good joke that you cannot wait to tell someone else? That sense of feeling is demonstrable of dopamine. When you experience laughter, it encourages this feel-good hormone, dopamine, for laughter is universal.

A former FBI Special Agent who is a professional body language interpreter stated that if a person with a stretched smile that goes up to his eyes, he is pretending. So, if you are going to smile make it the real Mccoy by smiling from ear to ear.

Have you ever hugged yourself and padded your shoulders?

    Try it! I dare you! You cannot help but smile or laugh, may be because it is silly, nonetheless, the result is what we want, the inducement of dopamine, the happy hormone.

Serotonin has been mentioned before as well, and it can be boosted without medication.

You cannot get serotonin straight from foods, However, the amino acid, tryptophan, can be converted to serotonin in your brain. You want to include poultry such as turkey, salmon, and other high protein foods in our diet.

Science suggests that ingesting carbohydrates accompanied with a diet of elevated levels of tryptophan will help your brain absorb tryptophan more readily, thus, serotonin is induced.

The following is a personal preference, but I am sure you can produce a better combination:

whole-grain bread with gobble, gobble, or cheese.

oatmeal with an assortment of nuts, sprinkled with raisins.

salmon on white or brown rice, I am starting to salivate!

How about pineapple with your desired crackers

Half peanut butter sandwich and with a hint of jam?

Another element to induce serotonin is sun light, vitamin (D). Sunshine is related to your circadian rhythm, your biological clock that effects sleep, digestion, learning and memory ability. Therefore, take a 10-15-minute stroll in the sun and this serves also as exercise which is also an inducer of serotonin. And do not forget your sun block.

Now that I have gotten that off my chest, we will discuss the other two brain chemicals that help to form good habits, Oxytocin, and endorphins.

How to Form a Habit Part Three

It is not long when a baby learns to roll over, get on his fours, learns to stand and before you know it, you cannot keep up with him.

Similarly, when learning desired behaviors or habits, it is incremental. Having said that, we need to surround ourselves with individuals that will nurture our desired demeanor, much like a mother encourages her child to become agile.

A well-known American author, entrepreneur, and philosopher Jim Rohn indicated that we are the average of the five individuals we associate with, and I have observed that it is true. The last thing we want to do is to spend time with so called friends that tear down instead of building and fostering your desired character.

When at a restaurant, and you hear someone laughing uncontrollably across the way, what is your reaction?

Invariably, we also begin to laugh even though we do not have a clue of what was said. There is no doubt that what others say and do is contagious, so we need to learn to kindly scrutinize with whom we are spending time.

Since happiness is catchy, it is one of the simplest forms of instilling a habit of a cheerful outlook.

I am a huge proponent of inducing a natural cocktail of brain chemicals that will spur you on to applying admirable habits. In the past I have stated that the biggest obstacle we have is the one found between our ears.

 What are these brain chemicals?

First, there is dopamine which influences a happy mood. This is triggered by Identifying your core strengths and the positive difference of applying your one of kind strengths daily. Ask yourself, how can I bring value to the moment? We are all teachers in one way or another, avoid the routine in how you teach, shake thing up in ways that you are also excited about what you are teaching, in which case, your student will sense it, and the excitement becomes mutual. There is a cause and effect in your modified manner of doing things, the impact is obvious, thus, it triggers dopamine, the happy hormone.

Secondly, there is serotonin which "regulates" your sleep, diet, and chronic pain. Otherwise, low levels of this chemical are attributed to depression.

To trigger serotonin, you must be physically active, move, move, and move on a regular basis. Not encouraging body building, just take your dog or let your dog take you for a walk around the block for at least thirty minutes three times a week.

I have heard say that we dig our grave with our teeth, and science has shown this to be true. Make a conscious effort of the effects of food you are ingesting. Make sure to include foods that include excessive amounts of "tryptophan" which is a precursor to producing serotonin levels. Foods you can eat with elevated levels of tryptophan are found in chocolate, oats, bananas, dairy, salmon, Spinach, poultry, eggs to name a few.

There are two more brain chemicals that are essential for forming great habits, be looking out for them on our next post.

How to Form a Habit Part Two

When given a menu at a restaurant, it is often the case the waiter will come around twice before we make up our mind. However, it is interesting to me, when invited to a private home, it is not complicated, what we are having for dinner has been simplified for us. Simplicity is the principle is what I want to discuss in this post.

 The point is, if we are going to start implementing a new habit, choose one that is so easy that it is laughable.

How about saying thank you more often?

I think that not expressing our sincere gratitude is something many of us are guilty of, and myself included. Saying thank you is not difficult whatsoever; it is a gesture of showing gratitude. Being grateful will give us and attitude of positivity, in other word, attitude engenders altitude and gratitude.

It is the smaller things in life that bring fulfillment, thus a state of contentment, for it solidifies the human connection. Make a conscious effort to say thank you more often, people will feel more appreciated, and it induces the hormone, oxytocin, the love hormone.

 I would venture to say that we say sorry more so than thank you, although they are just words, language can affect our perspective and how we feel about ourselves and how others feel. Of course, there is nothing wrong with saying sorry but be careful about saying it inordinately. Putting yourself down unduly, this does not do anything for your emotional well-being.

How about reading more often?

The act of reading will expand our thinking ability, in the realm of imagination, creates innovative ideas, and will keep us young.

I once read a report that reading can prevent Alzheimer’s disease.

The research involved 294 elderly folks in their 80's. They were given stimulating chores, including reading and other literary tasks, after their demise, autopsies revealed that memory ability was significantly improved if not remained stable, compared to those that were not in the study.

In the past we have discussed "neuroplasticity" which involves creating new thinking patterns that induces imagination, dreams, and ways that we would not thought about otherwise. Reading provides inspiration and is a real pick up during those moments when we need it.

My encouragement to you is to minimize television viewing, for this is allowing something else to do your thinking for you. Our brain contains billions of neurons, and one neuron can be illustrated by looking at your hand. When you read, your neurons, your hand is stretched out, meaning your mind is lit up. When you let something else do your thinking, your neurons are collapsed, your hand is closed, and will experience atrophy.

So, for starters, here are two simple and easy habits we can begin to put in practice right away to be effective, and these will extend to additional good behaviors.

How to Form a Habit Part One

Have you ever thought about which shoe you put on in the morning, is it the right or the left shoe? It is fascinating to me of all the things we do without conscious awareness.

I know of a blind man who to this day, still turns on the light before he enters a dark room. What a strong and entrenched behavior! Or we could drive to our place of employment, and once we get there, somehow, we do not remember the details how we got there. However, a different level of consciousness was aware, but you were not aware, it is somewhat of a paradox.

I often ask my wife what we are having for lunch, I have come to realize that subconsciously my mind is thinking about something healthy until it brings it to the forefront, of my perception.

The etymology of the word "habit" in the oldest sense meant "clothing." Over the years this word changed to mean behavior or conduct. Thus, the adage “the clothes make the man," which suggests that the way we dress confirms what kind of a person we are.

 Think about it, an individual's uniforms immediately identify him or her who they represent.

“What if we developed excellent habits that we automatically performed, much like a reflex?”

There are many people that are identified by how they carry themselves in life either for the good or the worse. And if it is for the good imagine how this can be productive in your professional or personal life.

If a person is dependable, trustworthy, and kindhearted, these habits or qualities will impel others to gravitate to you. These habits that I mentioned, if there is no sincerity, it does not mean a hill of beans no matter how hard you try. most people are perceptive enough to see through the nonsense, and you will fail.

In the past I have written about implementing a desired habit and that it takes twenty-one days, respectively. Some will say it is not true, which I agree if it is not coupled with motivation that will spur you on. And of course, for you to succeed, you must have the outlook of having your efforts or result to benefit not only yourself but also others.

I will do my best, since I am no longer a young rooster, although I feel like one, to share some of my subjective experiences and what I have observed in human "behavior" which is another word for habit.

Having said the forgoing, be looking out for tips in how we can apply some great habits that may be a real game changer for you.

Self-Motivation Part Eleven

Do not mean to belabor the illustration of the Tower of Pisa, but there are so many principles to be learned. For instance, when the tower began to sink after construction, due to unstable subsoil, Construction was subsequently ceased for a century.

The construction of the tower, first, had its inception with a dream, then it materialized itself by breaking ground with vitality and vigor. Similarly, many of us realized personal dreams and we are full of excitement, energy, and determination to bring it into fruition. However, when things do not go as planned, we have the proclivity to get frustrated, and as a result, we acquiesce, we give up and throw our hands up in capitulation much like abandoning the Tower of Pisa.

So, how do we acquire mental tenacity, how do we improve our lasered focus that feeds our self-motivation to accomplish our goal?

First, let me mention that psychologist will tell you that all of us have multi personalities. One, the public personality that is well polished, secondly, the personality among family that is not as polished, and third, the personality that is the core of our inner world of thought and feeling that we tend to keep to ourselves.

It is the third personality is where we find our deepest heart desires, and there lies the key to self-motivation, it is a driving force, and it is deeply entrenched. Your motivation lurks within, so how do you find it?

It is a matter of asking yourself the following rhetorical question. What is it that brings me joy in life? What is it that truly matters to me? What is it that inspires me? These questions go beyond basic motive, and of course, I cannot answer this question for you. However, once you answer these questions and follow through, those answers will be your driving force, your true self-motivation, and for the first time you have really come to know yourself, which is personal success all onto itself. You will feel great about following through with your plan of action, because the natural drug, dopamine, the feel-good hormone will be spurring you on no matter how many setbacks or how tough it gets, for these challenges are external forces that are manageable and do not come from your powerful intrinsic core, yes, your inner heart.

Self-Motivation Part Ten

To proceed in using the foundation of the Tower of Pisa as an illustration, it was clearly defected, the Tower could not be relied upon. Therefore, in this post we are discussing additional elements that will fortify interrelationships, trust, commendation, and mutual respect. In fact, software analytics indicated that it should have toppled by 1990. What made the difference? Strengthening the foundation and by 2001, restoration to a safe angle was finally accomplished.

My point is, once there is distrust, it takes an exceptionally long time to rebuild this needed quality of reliance. I am sure we can agree that it is   of utmost importance, it takes years to build “trust” and a second to destroy. It took the Tower 900 years to acquire confidence, however, interrelationships can flourish by “initially” strengthening the footing to avoid any mutual doubt.

Secondly, everyone needs to hear sincere and effective “commendation” and appreciation, being acknowledged is as natural as breathing, we thrive by it. Especially, after the newness of the business relationship wears off, or after the honeymoon is over. After so many years, can we still say with veracity, “thank you” or something specific to commend your partner? Words of praise solidifies; it is the sunshine that feeds the human spirit and our motivation.

 Lastly, we are all subject to the vicissitudes of life, life is a variable event, and we experience many challenges and unexpected curve balls along the way. We want to be initiative-taking and never reactive when under pressure but build solid “mutual respect” which engenders self-esteem and respect for all those involved, it is an essential ingredient for a long-lasting partnership.

Every living soul is unique, there is individuality, thus, deserving to be valued and respected. Respect is the foundation of humanity and ethical behavior.

   Knowing and understanding the importance of these three qualities is only 50%, the other 50% is applying them personally. Hence, if we employ trust, commendation, and mutual respect, I promise you that it will be a real game changer in all your human interaction.

Self-Motivation Part Nine

We had touched on the fact that the basis or foundation of the Tower of Pisa was negligently flawed from its inception. However, the basis that strengthens our own persona in relation with others is most impelling or motivational when held up by cultivating empathy, compromise, and humor.

Empathy is not to be confused with sympathy, empathy is more profound, you feel their pain, where sympathy is only understanding their situation. Empathy is reflected in three ways, there is emotional empathy manifested by tears as when experiencing a sad movie, there is cognitive empathy where you imagine yourself in their shoes, and compassionate empathy shown by taking action to help another. A recent study postulated that dogs feel empathy, instinctively, toward humans and act on that empathy, responding urgently to humans crying.

Are you starting to "feel" what it is to be empathetic?

Compromise is willing to come together to find the solution without argumentation, altercation, or squabbling. It is a matter of willing to settle the issue by making mutual concessions, willing to bend a little or strike a balance for the benefit of both. Is it not interesting, that a weeping willow naturally knows when to bend or yield its branches?

Humor, from my perspective is healthiest when we can laugh at oneself, giving evidence that we accept who we are, it is the doorway to your personal confidence and self-assurance. I would also say this quality of laughing at oneself is attractive, you will be the life of the party, because it is relatable since everyone of us is insecure, we are all imperfect, I would be the first one to raise my hand on that one.

Did you know that the motivation to build the Tower of Pisa was to show the world just how important the city of Pisa was? The Tower was built hastily on pride and not on a solid reason, consequently, we will explore other elements to further solidify the human connection.

Therefore, to conclude this post, whatever you are building in life, build on empathy, compromise and with plenty of humorous fun.

Self-Motivation Part Eight

In the year 1173 the Tower Pisa began its construction, however, shortly thereafter, it began to sink to one side. Did you know that the word "Pisa" when translated in Greek means "marshy land?" Obviously, the engineers did not give this fact enough attention, it was doomed to fail from the very beginning.

Metaphorically speaking, many disproportionately focus too much on what they are building in business and in personal relationships, and not "leaning on their strengths," no pun intended, ignoring the foundation that support those interrelationships. Then we stop and wonder, why is my business agreement or my personal relationship faltering or completely crumbling, not to mention my motivation?

What goes into an actual foundation? It is an aggregate of different things such as concrete, rock, sand, steel for reinforcement, to name a few.

Let me ask you, what are your strengths, your natural gifts, or talents? Is it “empathy,” meaning putting yourself in the shoes of others, being able to “compromise” or yielding when needed, and being able to laugh at oneself which is called “humor?”

 I will run the risk of becoming verbose if I delve into these three qualities at this point, so, to solidify the basis of our strengths, in our next post, we will explore these three essential elements, empathy, compromising and humor, stay tuned and in the meantime, consider the following.

“Love many things, for therein lies the true strength, and whosoever loves much performs much, and can accomplish much, and what is done in love is done well.” (“Quote by Vincent Van Gogh

Self-Motivation Part Seven

One of the oldest maps in history is the Babylonian map of the world, dated around 600 B.C. known as the Imago Mundi. Maps have forever been a part of human history and will always continue to be. In fact, I would argue that GPS will always be the side kick of an actual map, because a map describes your peripheral progressive journey, GPS falls short of doing this. What am I communicating to you? It is not enough to be motivated, positive and to have the right attitude, we must have true direction, guidance, and a clear sense of where we are headed, our personal map defining our destination. Otherwise, we will never accomplish our efforts, we will be lost, going through life desultorily or aimlessly, what a colossal waste of time that would be!

Several years ago, a good friend of mind wrote down his goals in a logical sequence, these were admirable goals, and he crossed them out as he accomplished each one, this was his map. Can we do the same?

Plan or a path to follow.

I am reminded of when my son and I got disoriented on a hike in a heavily wooded area, and it is not a pleasant feeling to lose your bearing. But did you know nature can provide clues?

 Tree branches will grow more vertical on the north side since branches are reaching to the south where there is plenty of sunlight, the foliage is much thicker on the southern sunny side. This quickly provided the orientation, our bearing we needed or map to our destination also, this serves as a metaphor in following your desired path in life, you will enjoy your journey along the way with confidence, and with a clear sense of direction having mapped out your result.

Self-Motivation Part Six

When we speak in terms of making motivation a habit, we cannot ignore the fact that our brain is inextricably connected to making this possible. Have you ever noticed that the brain has the appearance of a walnut? In nature there are many fruits and vegetables that are remarkably like the human body of which there is a providential connection. The form of a walnut, with its creases, along with many lines and folds resemble the left and right hemisphere of our brain.

The left hemisphere is where we derive logic such as mathematics, however, the right hemisphere of our brain is where we can visualize, dream pictures, it is the creative part of our mind.

Having said that, whatever plan of action we execute to accomplish our goal, employ the “right hemisphere” to visualize the end result of your efforts, always be thinking ahead, this will make your journey “much easier.”

And as I have said in the past,

if you can "perceive it, you can achieve it." The walnut is paramount for brain health, for walnuts contain a substantial amount of docosahexaenoic (DHA) an omega-3 fatty acids of which it is essential for learning and utmost functionality. Incidentally, walnuts are a part of my daily diet among an assortment of other kinds of nuts including a slight sprinkle of raisins. Because I need all the help I can get!

Self-Motivation Part Five

A famous American statesman and author once said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail,” Benjamin Franklyn. The word carries the idea, to make ready, to accomplish a desired purpose or finale 

I find it interesting that humans are the only creatures that do not ingest food as it appears entirely in nature we prepare our food, by chopping, cutting, dicing, and not to mention preparing a clean surface beforehand.

No matter what we do professionally or otherwise, when we prepare, we are setting ourselves up for success of which it lends itself to making motivation a habit. It is a matter of planning, for instance, the post that you are reading was reduced to writing a few days before, allowing me time to wonder and ponder about expressing myself succinctly.

When we prepare or plan, anxiety, wasting time, waiting for the last minute, and any so-called valid excuses fall to the wayside. Some will contend, that they work better when under stress, so they wait until the last minute to prepare, I beg to differ because they are not allowing themselves to do their utmost and are depriving themselves of realizing their full potential. Therefore, give yourself plenty of time to prepare, for this will be demonstrable of your worth and that you value others. I grew up on a farm, and I remember my dad would prepare the soil for planting, he did not just turn it over in his “mind,” but he turned over the soil in preparation for planting.